Just recently, a new friend inquired if my partner and I would be open to having “fun and pleasure” with them and their partner. I.E. Were my partner and I in an open type of relationship who did things like “swinging”?
While I was actually flattered at the request and how the question was asked in a really nice way that didn’t feel derogatory in any way, my answer was a rather quick no, as much as my ego wanted to say yes.
In the past, when I allowed sex to define who I was, and when an addiction to it ruled my life, I engaged in plenty of extra-curricular sexual-based activities of which I’m not very proud of. Because in the end, they hurt me more than made me feel good. But before that happened, I truly thought I was enjoying each of them immensely. In fact, the search for it pretty much became the focal point of my life.
And as it became that focal point and the more I engaged in that carnal lust, the more I found myself drifting further and further away from God and myself. And the more I drifted further away from God and myself, the more I lost sight of what real love once meant to me.
In turn, I found myself on an endless search for one conquest after another, looking for that next sexual high that might comfort a constantly growing emptiness within me. And with each sexual act, my spirit would only feel lower and lower, until I started to realize I wasn’t liking myself much anymore. That’s when I began to see myself as nothing more than a piece of meat that people seemed to like solely for how I looked on the outside, instead of who I was on the inside. Sex became a tool for a temporary high, instead of something God gave me to experience with someone I unconditionally loved and wanted to spend my life with.
Thankfully, since coming to the rooms of recovery for sex and love addiction, I learned what was healthy for me sexually and what wasn’t. I have since been able to successfully stay away from all of my old sexual behaviors that I once thought were helping me to enjoy my life, yet really never were. In light of that, I do think it’s important to say this though.
I don’t judge my new friend for asking me if I’d be interested in their proposition nor do I judge them for the fact they still find enjoyment in something I don’t anymore. To each their own I say and frankly, I’m not Christ and haven’t been able to walk on water, so I really have no right to judge anyone for what they do, especially when I once did those very things myself.
With that being said, while the temptation is still there to engage in things like “swinging” and “open relationships” and may always be on an ego level, I give credit to the strength of my recovery life and my relationship with God to help me continue on a spiritual path that feels far healthier than when a quest for sexual-based activities ruled my existence.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson