“Manchester By The Sea”, A Sad Film Surrounding The Inability To Forgive Oneself

There are some movies I see from time to time that truly depress me, not because they are poorly done, but because they inherently explore a subject that remind me of something very painful from my dysfunctional past. “Manchester By The Sea”, a film written and directed by Kenneth Lonergan, is one of those that definitely falls into this territory.

Mostly set in the sleepy Massachusetts coastal town of the same name as the title, the movie revolves around the life of Lee Chandler (Casey Affleck). As the film opens, we learn Lee no longer lives in Manchester and actually resides south of Boston in the town of Quincy, which is a good hour and a half drive away. There, his job entails the janitorial maintenance of several housing complexes and it’s quite apparent how miserable and unhappy he is with both it and his life, but we aren’t initially told why. After having a strong verbal confrontation with one of the tenants and sharing some extremely frustrated words with his boss thereafter, he receives a phone call where he learns his brother Joe (played by Kyle Chandler, who ironically keeps the same last name in the film) has died. Immediately upon hearing the tragic news, Lee heads back to his hometown where we begin to see flashbacks of his once happy life there. While most of the movie surrounds the mystery of what torments Lee so much about Manchester, there is also a second plot that involves Joe’s son Patrick (Lucas Hedges), someone he once had an incredibly close connection to. Unbeknownst to Lee until his brother’s will is read, he learns he’s to be given full custody of Patrick. Sadly, he profusely refuses to take on the responsibility, except we aren’t told why. But without spoiling the most major plot point of the film, Lee’s resistance to taking on Patrick’s guardianship and overall anguish in life both revolve around the same thing. There is something so painful from his past that he was responsible for, which he refuses to forgive himself over and wants nothing to do with his former life in Manchester because of it.

The angst that Lee goes through throughout this entire film really spoke to me, not so much due to what he specifically did in his past that haunted him all the way to his present, but for the fact that he just couldn’t come to a place of forgiving himself for it. Why that spoke to me is simply because I did the very same thing when it came to my father’s suicide.

The final conversation I had with my father prior to his death was during the last week of his life where he was locked up in a psychiatric ward. There, he called me to say hello, looking for support, except I was so wrapped up in my own selfishness that I proceeded to go into all my own drama, not once asking him how he was. When he interrupted me and said he couldn’t handle talking about any of what I was going through, but that he did love me, I was somewhat less than cordial. A few days later he was released and shortly after that his body was found in a dingy motel in Atlantic City alongside a suicide note. I blamed myself for his death for three straight years after that, telling myself I could have done more to prevent it. In turn, my health deteriorated quite a bit, I became dependent on medications and therapy for survival, and developed a number of medical conditions as well because of it. By the end of that three-year period, I was ready to die and pretty much thought about killing myself every single day, but thankfully, by the grace of God, I discovered a men’s spiritual organization called The ManKind Project that said they could help. Mostly out of desperation and being sick and tired of not knowing how to forgive myself or my father for that matter, I agreed to go on their initial retreat called The New Warrior Training. There I found forgiveness for both and the freedom that came from it was incredible.

But watching Lee Chandler in Manchester By the Sea refuse to forgive himself throughout its entire 2 hour and 17-minute running time was a little too hard to swallow. As I sat there and partook in every bit of self-torture that he went through with violence, rage, addiction, and more, I was reminded all too well of the similar path I took when I couldn’t forgive myself for my father’s suicide. And it was for those reasons which ultimately depressed me, even long after the film ended.

While Manchester By The Sea is definitely a well written and directed movie, it’s subject matter is not one for the light of heart, especially when the viewer has struggled with forgiving them self for something painful they did in their past. I’m just grateful that I’ve learned how important self-forgiveness is because without it, I was left with hopelessness, despair, and constant thoughts of suicide.

Nonetheless, Manchester By The Sea was a great movie, albeit a very depressing one. In light of that, I still expect it will garner a number of Oscar nominations this year in several different categories and most likely will earn a number of other awards as well. I give this film four out of five stars and recommend it to those who truly are fans of strong cinematic and art-based fare.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Moonlight”, A Coming Out Story That Everyone Can Relate To

It’s rare that I ever see a movie that delves into the subject of homosexuality show up in mainstream cinemas. It’s even rarer for one to garner any type of awards, especially the Oscars. The last time this happened dates all the way back to 2005 with Ang Lee’s “Brokeback Mountain”, which starred Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger. But I think this dry spell is bound to end with the recent release of a little gem of a movie titled “Moonlight”.

I was actually surprised when I discovered this film playing locally here in Toledo given how small of a city we are. Normally, very few artsy-based features ever make it into one of the only three theaters we have here. Instead it’s usually more of the standard blockbuster-type popcorn fare. In light of knowing that, a couple days later I attended one of its screenings seeing that most movies like this tend to last no more than a week or two here.

Slightly reminiscent of the movie “Boyhood”, Moonlight chronicles the story of a shy African American kid named Chiron through three different periods of his life: pre-teen (played by Alex R. Hibbert), teenager (played by Ashton Sanders), and young adult (played by Trevante Rhodes). From the onset, we learn that Chiron is desperately trying to find his place in the world. Fatherless and living with a drug-addicted mother in a rough neighborhood of Miami, Chiron has no role models. But when Juan (Maherhshala Ali), a local middle-aged drug dealer, saves him from a bunch of bullies, that all begins to change. The real shift in Chiron’s life takes place though when a boy named Kevin (Jaden Piner) befriends Chiron one day after both finish playing with a bunch of other kids on a soccer field. When Kevin attempts to toughen Chiron up, they end up in a playful wrestling match, which only seems to stir something deep from within for both. From there, the movie follows Chiron through those three periods, as he begins to grapple with his sexuality, his despair over his mother, and his lack of any sort of direction in life.

Without going into any more details so as not to spoil the plot any further, I think it’s best to say that Moonlight was probably the closest to some of my own experiences of coming out in life. While I may not have grown up in a rough neighborhood, I did experience the same lack of healthy parenting Chiron went through, given the dysfunctionality of my parents with their alcoholism and mental illness. And like Chiron as well, before I came to terms with my sexuality, I went through a long period of looking for role models in guys I was attracted to, which for me ranged widely from drug dealers to retired businessmen.

Without a doubt, this is much of the reason why Moonlight definitely struck several heart chords within me. Done in a very tasteful and never overly sexualized way, Moonlight speaks to the many struggles an individual often goes through in trying to come to terms with not only their sexuality, but also their place in life. By far, I feel Moonlight deserves to be healthily nominated during the upcoming film awards season. It’s my hope it will even penetrate the Academy Awards this year as well, seeing that movies centered around black people have sadly been overlooked more than not there.

Nevertheless, I highly recommend seeing Moonlight, even for those who don’t have a same-sex attraction, because like Brokeback Mountain did many years ago, this film speaks on more than one level and is done in a way that truly is gentle and moving to the soul. It really is a story that everyone can relate to and it’s my hope that more mainstream movies like this will be made in the near future. And just as importantly, it’s also my hope you’ll see why I gave the film 5 out of 5 stars.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

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“Doctor Strange”, A Superhero Who Finds His True Path Through Surrendering

There are plenty of superheroes from the comics that most people will know the names of even if they’ve never really been comic book fans. Superheroes such as Iron Man, Thor, The Hulk, The Flash, Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman to name a few. But Doctor Strange? Unless you really are into superheroes like I’ve been throughout most of my life, then you probably aren’t going to know about this one. Nevertheless, Doctor Strange is personally one of my all-time favorite comic book characters, especially as of late, and Marvel’s latest foray into its growing list of movie releases about superheroes truly does his story justice.

Doctor Strange (played by Benedict Cumberbatch) begins with him as one of the world’s leading neurosurgeons. One who’s at the top of his game, is wealthy, extremely good-looking, and overly ego-centric. But then one day it all comes crashing down upon him when he gets into a major car accident and his hands are crushed. After a number of unsuccessful surgeries and attempts at miracle cures, Strange still refuses to accept the nerve damage in his hands as permanent, believing his only purpose in life is to use them in the surgical practice he feels he was born to do. As he continues to exhaust what little money he has left, he hears of a person who was healed from an injury even worse than his and discovers that the potential cure is as far away as could be, in Tibet. There he meets a teacher named The Ancient One (Tilda Swinton) and demands to get his hands healed. When The Ancient One explains to him that there’s far greater paths for him in life than just being a doctor, Strange has a hard time swallowing that until he witnesses magical things his science and medicine can’t explain. Immediately he wants to know more. Thus begins Doctor Strange’s path of surrendering his former self to becoming The Sorcerer Supreme and eventually a member of the superhero team known in the Marvel world as The Avengers.

Why I am drawn so much to the story of Doctor Strange is how similar my own life path has been. Having come from a relatively well-to-do family that was rather ego-centric itself more than not, and having worked in a field that once paid me quite well, my own life circumstances greatly changed when my health suddenly fell apart a number of years ago. After that happened, I, like Strange, spent years and large sums of money looking for ways to fix it so that I could return to the life I once had. But when none of those fixes worked the way I wanted, I began to arrive at the conclusion that maybe my Higher Power had something much greater in store for me than returning to my old business-oriented life and receiving those high-dollar paychecks. Thus began my own path of surrendering, studying, and waiting upon God for guidance and direction to becoming who I’m meant to be.

Doctor Strange really is a great superhero movie, particularly if you’re someone who’s had to go through any process of surrendering in life. Surrendering everything you thought you knew all for the hopes of becoming something much greater in life. If that fits you in any way, then I highly recommend seeing this film, especially in 3-D, as I’m sure you’ll be spiritually moved as much as I was in watching it.

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Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson