Category: Recovery From Addictions

There are times I truly struggle being a sponsor of others in recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction. The one I’m facing as of late is that I can’t force a person to do  the work, as that only ends up making me feel like I’m chasing after their recovery.

I believe a fine line exists between helping a person do the recovery work necessary to heal and controlling them into doing it. I’ve had to take a few of my own steps back with some of those I’ve sponsored over the years, because it really felt at times as if I was trying to do their recovery work for them. The fact is it’s not my place to ever chase after anyone’s recovery.

When a person becomes willing to do the work that’s critical to recovering from any addiction is ultimately up to them. I resisted this work for a very long time and that was extremely evident with the first sponsor I had in sobriety. He gave me plenty of suggestions, guidance, and direction that could have helped me immensely on my spiritual path in life, except I rarely listened to any of them. The truth was that I wasn’t ready to do that work, as I was still having too much fun, or so I thought, from living in all my character defects. Even more important is that my pain hadn’t become great enough yet from existing that way. That sponsor eventually let me go and for good reason, because I’m sure there were a number of other potential sponsees out there who were willing to take his suggestions. Thankfully, I would find enough willingness many more years later to follow another sponsor’s guidance in recovery.

Now that I’m on the other side of the coin sponsoring various individuals myself, I have to remember this important principle. I can NEVER drive any person’s recovery from addiction. Neither can that person’s partner, husband, wife, boss, friend, or anyone else for that matter. They are the one’s who have to want it. When they don’t, it becomes rather apparent because they stop calling regularly, they stop asking for time availability to meet with them, and they start making excuses as to why they aren’t doing the work.

Unfortunately, I’ve tried many times quite unsuccessfully to motivate sponsees into doing their recovery work when they get this way. But all that’s done is lead them even further away from wanting to do it with the excuse that I’m being too controlling of them. On some level, they were right and I’ve taken note.

Now I fully see that as a sponsor, I can never force anyone into doing the work, as it only ends up with me feeling like I’m chasing after their recovery. It’s totally in their court and each must find enough willingness on their own to take the suggestions, guidance, and direction I have to offer from my own experience, strength, and hope. Until they do, I will continue working with my Higher Power to help those who are reaching out and wanting to do whatever’s necessary to get better and live a life free from addiction.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I used to do the One Two Shuffle for a very long time when it came to the 12 Steps. What I mean by that is the dance I once did with myself over and over again with Step 1 and 2, solely because my lack of willingness kept preventing me from going beyond them.

When it came to Step 1, I never had much difficulty admitting I was powerless over alcohol, drugs, or any of my other addictions, or even admitting that my life had become unmanageable from them as well. I think that’s because the pain they created within me when I did them left enough bad memories to last a lifetime. Each of those terrible memories has consistently been a great catalyst to helping me continue practicing this step perfectly.

When it came to Step 2, it wasn’t much of a stretch for me to practice it either. I think I’ve always believed there was some type of a Higher Power out there who could restore me to sanity, especially from a life of addiction. That’s mostly due to the fact I grew up with such a religious background. So while I may have always believed there was something greater than myself out there who could help me, my problem was with what came next in the 12 Steps and that was Step 3.

In Step 3, we’re asked to make a decision to turn our will and life over to the Higher Power we found in Step 2. The issue I kept facing in this was two-fold. First, I didn’t know whether my Higher Power was unconditionally loving or of the punishing variety. So the idea of turning my will and life over to a harsh God never seemed all that appealing to me. Thus I became afraid for quite a while that if I did, I’d be reprimanded for all the bad things I had done in my addiction-fueled life. And second, there were some parts of my addictive personality I just didn’t want to give up because I liked their short-term benefits too much. In the process, these two things only caused me to lack enough willingness necessary to go beyond the first two steps.

So I ended up spending the first 12 years in sobriety, and maybe even a few more, learning that One Two Shuffle pretty well because of this deficiency in willingness. Unfortunately, that greatly hindered my growth in recovery until I was able to find more of it. While I might have practiced those first two steps with such proficiency, the ten others I avoided for years and years were the ones that eventually would help me find the recovery I desperately needed.

The bottom line is that I grew sicker in sobriety before I got better because of doing that One Two Shuffle more than not. I know now that Bill Wilson didn’t create Two Step Recovery, he created Twelve Step recovery, but I allowed my ego to convince me otherwise until my pain became great enough. And when it did, I finally found enough willingness to move forward in the steps. I also no longer had the desire to engage in any part of my addictive personality. But most importantly, I discovered an unconditionally loving Higher Power who led me back onto a path of recovery that thankfully I’m still on today…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

What do you do when no one’s watching you? This is a question I began pondering years ago when I started realizing at various recovery meetings that a great speaker is not always indicative of whom a person really is in life. In fact, the reality I discovered more than not is that how a person presents themselves to the world is often quite far from the person they truly are when no one’s watching them. Of course I must say that this was true of me as well for a very long time, but more on that in a minute.

When I first went to Alcoholics Anonymous to find recovery from my addiction-prone life, I looked for others to guide my way to healing and to living more spiritually. I latched on to several people early on who blew me away each time I heard them speak at the meetings I attended. But soon I learned that just because they looked good and sounded well each time they spoke, it didn’t necessarily equate to who they truly were behind the scenes. Many of those I drew close to because of how great their recovery program appeared to me were actually backstabbing, gossiping, abusive, dishonest, and engaging in other addictions outside those meetings rooms. Sadly, I was oblivious at the time to the actuality that I was no better.

While I could stand at any podium and fully appear to know what I was talking about, most never knew how spiritually sick I was when I wasn’t being in the spotlight. Like many of those I idolized early on in recovery, I too carried my fair share of toxic character defects that I never revealed when speaking in any of those recovery meetings I attended. And while I swayed many people listening to me then to believe I was healthy and spiritually centered, I can honestly say today that I definitely wasn’t.

But I believe all charades will always be exposed over time the more one engages in them, as both those who I once idolized, and my façade as well, were eventually uncovered. Most of the ones I had looked up to in recovery relapsed or got in trouble with the law, where I ended up landing in a mental hospital and even attempted suicide.

Thankfully, I can genuinely say the person I am today whether I’m out and about in the world or at home behind closed doors are now the same. Unfortunately it took my ego getting smashed a whole heck of a lot to get here, but I’m glad it happened. I’m not a charlatan, a fake, or a fraud anymore and that actually feels pretty good to be able to say that now because it wasn’t that long ago when I couldn’t.

So I encourage you to ask yourself the same question I began with today.

What do you do when no one’s watching you???

If you’re conning the world like I once used to do, know the only thing you’re really doing is increasing your spiritual sickness. But if not, and you’re sincerely the same person whether you’re out and about or even when no one’s watching you, then know you’re probably well on your way to spiritual enlightenment…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson