Silly Joke Friday

A mate-less frog was suffering from some lonely holiday season blues when he decided one December afternoon to go visit a fortune teller to find out if he would ever be lucky in love.

The fortune teller read his cards and when done told the lonely frog, “I have some good news for you and I have bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?”

The frog decided to ask for the good news first.

The fortune teller then said, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart.”

“That’s great!” said the lonely frog, suddenly smiling for the first time, in a very long time. “But what’s the bad news?”

“Well, you’re going to meet her in Biology class…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Einstein was asked to speak at an important science conference.

On his way there, he tells his driver that looks a lot like him:

“I’m so sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over again!”

The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I’ve attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could probably give the same lecture in your place.”

“You know, that’s an excellent idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places!”

So, they exchanged clothes in the car as soon as they arrived. The driver now dressed as Einstein eventually goes up on stage once the conference begins and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, now dressed as his car driver, takes a seat amongst the audience a few rows back.

Sitting not too far from him is one scientist who is so jealous of Einstein that he decides to impress everyone by thinking of a very difficult question to ask, believing the overly brainy lecturer won’t be able to answer. When he stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his extremely challenging question, the whole room goes eerily silent, holding their breath, waiting for his response.

The driver dressed as Einstein then looks directly at the scientist, dead in the eye, and says:

“Sir, I’ve decided your question is SO easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver answer it for me…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady who had just married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life and what it was like to marry again at 80. Then he asked about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“That’s interesting,” the newsman responded. He then decided to ask a follow-up question.

“What occupations did your first three husbands have?”

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. A smile came to her face as she explained she married a banker in her 20s, then a circus ringmaster in her 40s, and a preacher in her 60s, and now, of course, in her 80s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

After a long day of shopping on a very chilly Black Friday, an exhausted man was walking down a street when suddenly he is approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asks him for some money for dinner.

Feeling a little guilty after spending as much money as he did on all those Black Friday deals, he quickly takes out his wallet, extracts $40 and asks,”If I give you this money, is there any chance you’re going to use it to buy some beer instead of dinner?”

“No way! In all honesty, I had to stop drinking years ago. Long story,” the homeless man humbly replied.

“Ok then! Well what about the possibility you might use it to go fishing, instead of buying yourself some food?”

“What? That’s an odd question to ask? But no, I gave up fishing a good while ago as well,” the homeless man said sadly. “Honestly, I spend most of my time these days just trying to stay alive on these streets!”

“Well, what about hunting then? Is there a chance you might use this money to go do some of that?”

“What, are you friggin’ NUTS?!” the homeless man said now sounding really irritated. “I’m homeless remember! “I don’t hunt anymore! I don’t fish anymore! I don’t drink alcohol anymore! I just need a little money to go buy myself some dinner! Geez!”

“OK, OK!” the exhausted shopper said with a strange smile. “I’ve decided I’m not going to give you the money after all. Instead, I’m going to take you home so that you can get a hot shower, a terrific dinner cooked by my wife, and then I’m going to let you crash on my couch for the night. How’s that sound?”

The homeless man was astounded at the amazing offer. “That sounds incredible, but won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?

“Don’t worry about that!” he said with a grin. “This is the best deal I’ve found all day for Black Friday, as now my wife can see what a man looks like after he has totally given up drinking, fishing and hunting!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson