Today’s entry is somewhat different. My spiritual advisor gave me a homework assigned to write in a third person about what I have learned so far in this lifetime. So I’ve placed that assignment’s result below that I produced.
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A long time ago, Andrew spent much of his life living in addictions and obsessions chasing after money, power, men, relationships, possessions, and quick highs. Each of these things was believed to bring happiness but over time they brought nothing but temporary satisfaction to a gnawing hunger for something deeper.
In the first chapter of Andrew’s life, he experienced the lack of unconditional love and kindness in his own family and how that manifests into conditional love based actions. He also experienced what it was like to be robbed of his sacred sexuality when an adult violated him. The first chapter ended of Andrew’s life at the age of 17 when Andrew decided that being alone and unloved externally was too painful.
In the second chapter of Andrew’s life, he learned how to numb himself from pain of the lower vibrations of life using sex, alcohol, drugs, and anything else that provided quick stimulation. Using people, manipulating, lying, being deceiving, lusting, becoming filled with greed, Andrew’s only source of happiness was in what he could gain with money or people outside of his own self. A light showed into Andrew’s darkness in his second chapter of life when he met Susan. Susan provided a temporary beacon to show what was possible when Andrew was able to connect to Source energies. For a brief period that lasted approximately six months, Andrew saw what was possible if he was living in more of his Divine Self serving Source’s needs and wants on this planet. The lower vibrations unfortunately took over for Andrew and he fell back into the veil of illusion for many more years. The second chapter of Andrew’s life ended on April 27th, 2010 as Andrew was soon to be turning the age of 38. Andrew had prayed to God in a moment of great mental and emotional pain just prior to this date to release him from the bondage of the addiction based life he had been living. Having committed many acts of lust and conditional based love centered relationships; Andrew had found himself dependently attached to a married man who was an active alcoholic. Andrew soon realized that he was in relationship with the energy of his parents who he had been unloved in so many ways from the beginning of his life.
And so the third chapter of Andrew’s life began with the letting go process. On April 27th, 2010, Andrew’s body began to manifest physical limitations and uncomfortable sensations that slowed his life down immediately. From that night to the present day, Andrew has gone through major releases in his life. For two more years after that night when the physical manifestation began, Andrew went through two more toxic relationships to learn that no human being can make him happy, no human being can fix him, and no human being can save him. Andrew also learned that each of the toxic relationships that he had in his life stemmed from the way he was brought up in his own family. As the awareness increased, Andrew cut the cords to all of the unhealthy people in his life especially all those that came into his life from 2007 forward until that date in 2010, each of which were teachers on some level to show him how sick he was. For over nine months now Andrew has been free from toxic friendships and relationships. Andrew has stayed clear of those that might re-animate those connections. And Andrew has done his best to keep his body, mind and soul clear of all unhealthy behaviors including what he says, thinks, eats, and does.
The following are a list of just some of the lessons that Andrew has learned in this life.
1. Andrew lived many lives of adulterous lust based relationships. God brings into Andrew’s life those relationships that are healthy. Those that Andrew finds a quick drive towards, are always from his ego and self-will.
2. Andrew learned that caffeine, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, lust based sex, and any other stimulant producing thing that induced a quick high was counteracting any ability for him to serve Source.
3. Andrew learned that teachers will appear when the student is ready and many of the teachers were just mirrors for showing actions and behaviors that Andrew was guilty of doing himself but pointing the finger instead at those teachers.
4. Andrew learned that what energy necessarily might have felt great when doing or performing certain things in his life, the release process of that same energy generally is quite painful if that initial energy was done out of toxicity.
5. Andrew learned that the healing process begins on the spiritual level and works its way from spiritual to mental to emotional and finally to physical of which he is patiently waiting for now in his journey.
6. Andrew learned that most people in his life left because they were manifestations of his lower self and as he began to remove his lower self, those people no longer fit in his spiritual journey.
7. Andrew learned that controlling things might get one ahead in life, but when a spiritual journey truly begins, it starts back to just before the control had started in life. In other words, the spiritual journey begins back when the student abandoned himself and looked outside of himself for happiness.
8. Andrew learned that a truly centered spiritual person doesn’t always have to speak and when he does speak, his words match his actions when he’s not speaking. He learned at the same rate that many people may sound wonderful when they are speaking but it is only their ego driving them and that who they are when not in public view is not aligned with who they are when they are speaking.
9. Andrew learned that lust has dominated most of his life from just around the age of when he was molested at 12 until the age of 39 and that lust is not love and that love is not conditional and that true love is not about having to perform sexually or give certain things to someone. True love loves someone no matter where they are in life, no matter what they do, and no matter what they are able to offer.
10. And finally, Andrew learned that to be happy in life, it was never about how many people were in his life that wanted to spend time with him, it wasn’t about how many things he could buy, it wasn’t having the best looking partner, it wasn’t about how much money he could earn, it was always about going back to that wounded child and spending time loving that child with God holding his hand and driving the healing process. And even more importantly, that Andrew can achieve true healing and a spiritually centered life only if God remains at the center of his journey.
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I believe I’m still currently in my third chapter in life. And, I believe there is still one more chapter in my life beyond this one and that chapter will be the one where I am teaching to others that which I’ve learned in this life. But for right now, I’m still in the healing aspects of my life repairing the damages that I’ve done to myself in this life and in previous lives. I am grateful to Source for getting me this far.
Peace, Love, Light, and Joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson