Sometimes I find it’s best to write about a situation that is providing me angst. I guess you can say I might find it healing. Lately, I have been in somewhat of a quandary where I often have no outlet to talk about something that is becoming quite difficult to deal with.
I’ve been renting all of my living spaces now since September of 2007 when I had moved out of the bed and breakfast I owned at the time. I landed in Massachusetts and lived temporarily with my sister while I searched for the next place to call home. The first location was in Brockton where I moved into a friend’s brother’s home who was renting out a room within it. That lasted only nine months. I then found myself moving again, but this time several towns away in Weymouth and into a much larger space of another person’s home whom I had met in one of my recovery meetings. And just over a year ago, I was forced to move again when that owner decided it was time to stop renting out part of their home. Since then, I have been living in a much larger house just a few miles down the road in the same town from where I had last lived. There, I have had to face unique challenges just as much as I did in my previous living situations but overall, I’ve discovered, I am finding it difficult to live with anyone.
Don’t get me wrong, some living situations are easier for me than others. My last three have been the most difficult though as each of them had me renting out and living in the same space as its owners. Prior to this, I had shared living spaces with many other people over the years, but in each of those cases I was an equal owner or renter and not just a tenant. What that meant was that I also had an equal say on all the decisions that related back to the home. Unfortunately, in my current living situation and the previous two as well, I haven’t had much of a say at all on anything. I will admit that I’m not the easiest person to live with. I could be labeled a neat freak. I like everything to be kept in order. And I don’t like messes or clutter. But with each of those traits also comes a strong set of good values. I always clean up after myself. I try to help out where I can with household chores. And I consistently pay my rent on time.
Sadly, I have found that these good values don’t translate into much of anything when it comes to wanting to feel empowered in these past three homes that I have been living in. What I have discovered is that when an individual owns a home and lives within it, they usually have their own ways of doing things around it. I know I’m definitely that way when I’ve owned one. In these past three rentals, I’ve always felt welcomed initially with the “my home is your home” sentiments. But at some inevitable point, those feelings have always disappeared and I’ve found myself migrating to spending most of my time in my bedroom as that is the only place that really is my own domain. And even then, I have seen it really isn’t.
Over the past year I have had several run-ins with the owner of my current home. I’ve had to face a lot of my own control issues as well where I continuously come face to face with the fact that I’m just a tenant renting a room. While some of my ideas and concerns have been taken into account and used by my home’s owner, many have not. The space I’m given in the driveway is under a tree that birds like to have a field day pooping on, in large glorious amounts. I have asked in many different ways for a resolution and the end result is me being told to go buy a car cover. The house also has a large yard around it which I often spent many hours enjoying throughout last spring, summer, and fall. Unfortunately, I have not been able to lately as for about four weeks now, it has became a hazmat zone with over a ton of dirt dropped on it, a garden that has yet to be built, and piping, tubes, and wiring that lay all around it for a well-based watering system that is supposed to be put in.
Then there is the inside of the house and how I’ve been told more than once that the way I’m doing things isn’t right such as how I dispense water from the fridge, what dishes I put in the dishwasher, how I place the garbage bags around the can, what recyclables I should be or not be putting in its bin, and what kind of treats and tricks I can and can’t offer to their dog. Even more distressing has been a backup key that I loaned the owner several trips ago to get my mail from my PO Box when I was away. It has since been misplaced and no attempt has been made to set time aside to look for it. If it’s not found, it could cost me a sum of money that I will have to pay back to the post office. The response I’ve received from my roommate to that revelation was that I should have made that known to him when it was being loaned.
Ultimately, my landlord/owner/roommate does have the final say in everything here at the home I am living in. It’s their house and their rules. I just know I would be handling things very differently if I was in their shoes. A lot of that has to do with the changes I’ve made in my life in the past year with God being more at the center of my life, then me being more at the center of it. I don’t operate much at all anymore by self-will and self-centeredness and I’m working on letting go of control that I once maintained with such strictness in every area of my life. It has allowed me to accept the many differences that exist between my landlord and I. While he procrastinates and openly will admit he does, I don’t. He also is somewhat of a hoarder of things where I traditionally have let go of excess clutter. In addition, he enjoys a few drinks here and there and has yet to settle down with one person whereas I’m in recovery and a monogamous relationship.
Eventually I will be moving on from here and hopefully living with my partner in his home. Ironically, he and I share a lot more in common with our daily living values with some rare exceptions. But in the long run though, I believe it’s a good thing that I’m still living here as a tenant because it’s helping me to face some of my own control issues that still remain within me. God has also helped me to practice a lot more patience, love, acceptance, and tolerance towards my landlord especially when he makes decisions that affect me negatively.
While we may be quite different on behaviors, ideals and how we generally might handle things, the one thing we do have in common is that we both share a piece of God. We both have a soul that is connected to the same Source. And we both deserve unconditional love. Because of this, I will continue to do my best to treat my landlord with all the love, respect and kindness that God would want me to offer, even in the face of frustration that I have been feeling lately when I’m not offered the same.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson