There have been several people throughout my life who’ve at times made comments that they don’t understand why they’re always in debt. They question why it is they can’t get their head ever above the water. They don’t understand why it’s a perpetual problem for themselves. Unfortunately, what they don’t understand, is that the source of their money issues is really just the emptiness within themselves.
I spent seven years in a relationship with a person who could never quite figure out his money troubles. Sadly, when I went into business with him, I too suffered at the hands of his financial woes and began to grasp why so many people rack up too much debt. The bottom line to his and so many other’s money troubles come from their spending habits and rationalizations surrounding them.
Do you ever catch yourself saying any of the following statements before you spend money on something?
I deserve this…
I’ll just pay this off later…
It’s on sale!
This will make me feel so much better…
I’m just going to buy it this one time.
I don’t have to make payments on this for several years!
It’s too difficult to do that project without this.
I don’t feel like cooking as I worked really hard today, so let’s eat out…
This will save me so much time.
This is a great investment!
This will end up saving me a lot of money.
Look, I saved money here, so why can’t I get this…
I won’t be spending anything, I have the points built up!
You have one already, so why can’t I?
Well you bought that for yourself last week, so why can’t I get this for me now?
These are just a few of the many things I’ve heard from my former partner and many others, who have racked up debt for themselves by the thousands. In regards to my former partner’s spending issues, it became an addiction for him and there was no reasoning with him. There was no getting him to understand why his debt kept piling up. Spending money was what made him feel comfortable. And ironically, he was no different than when I was actively taking alcohol or drugs, except the substances being consumed were different. For him it was money and it made him feel good temporarily to spend it on whatever his mind would send him off to buy. While for me it was the alcohol and drugs that brought me ease and comfort.
In similar fashion, I’ve started seeing my sister’s family following in my former partner’s footsteps. They just came back a short while ago from a ten day vacation and I was informed the other day of their family plans to go to not only Boston during the upcoming Thanksgiving timeframe but also to take a triangle flight down to Florida for yet another vacation. This comes after several conversations we’ve had in recent months about the debt they’ve been incurring. When I told them I thought it might not be a good idea because of their growing debt issues, I became the recipient to several of those italicized statements I listed above. I think it’s important to note that all of those statements are generated from the ego.
The ego does a very nice job to justify the spending of money. For the longest time I was just like my ex-partner and my sister’s family on how I used it to find happiness in the spending of money. My ego always told me to buy something that it believed would make me feel better in acquiring it. And I learned it was no different than food to an overeater, alcohol to an alcoholic, a drug to an drug addict, a slot machine or poker table to a gambling addict, and so on. Happiness can never come from any of those things. I often compare all of this to that of a kid who gets a great shiny new toy for Christmas. In a short period of time, the child loses interest in it and starts asking their parents for the next shiny thing they’ve seen. Many of these kids then become adults who find ways to buy those things they need and want through the use of credit cards and other various ways. Eventually there comes a day when they are completely in debt and in over their heads.
I lost that business I had with my ex-partner for this reason and had to learn through that difficult lesson that spending money on anything I desire will only ever bring me temporarily satisfaction. I also learned that not spending my money on all those urges can bring about much greater and more lasting happiness. When I’m feeling empty today and have wanted to go spend money on something, I’ve started filling those empty areas with love for myself and others instead of with more debt. It may sound silly to someone reading this, but it really is the emptiness that exists within us that often drives us to overspending. By resisting all those urges, I have worked on finding and healing those sources of my own emptiness.
If you are falling into or already have your own debt troubles, I encourage you to take a moment today, breathe, and pause before you may that next purchase. Know that all those things your brain is telling you right now on why you need it, want it, deserve it, or have to have it, are the sole reasons why you are in debt in the first place. Begin to ask God for guidance in all your financial affairs and in time I’m convinced you will begin to fill that emptiness with things that money can’t buy.
Peace, love, light, and, joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
