For years, I was a chronic complainer, constantly grumbling about the state of my life to whomever would listen. There was always some type of drama I had going on with my intimate relationships, friendships, places of employment, social clubs I belonged to, family, or with my health. Every conversation I had with anyone was usually about how life wasn’t fair. When I first entered recovery some 12 years into my sobriety and began using my sponsor for guidance in my life, I can remember her offering me plenty of invaluable advice, much of which I often had the tendency to ignore. Because of that, there came a point where my many 911 calls to her to deal with the latest drama saga of my life began to be met with her jokingly responding that I needed to call the “Waaambulance”. But there was one priceless piece of advice she gave me and something that I also heard quite often in most recovery meetings I attended, and that’s “If nothing changes, nothing changes…”
For years I didn’t really grasp the meaning of that phrase. Today, I know the reason for that is because my ego was so caught up in selfishness and self-centeredness for way too long. Thankfully, that’s not so true for me anymore as I’ve come to turn my entire will over to the care of my Higher Power. Now I understand the fact that for years, all I really did was complain about my life and rarely did I take any action to change it. The result for me was just as that phrase stated, that nothing changed in my life.
It really is easy to complain about everything that goes wrong in our lives isn’t it? And isn’t it just as true that there seems to always been someone willing to listen to our grumbling? Doesn’t it always feel better when we find that person or persons who emphasize with our frustrations, especially when they too join in our pity party? But what good does any of that do, if nothing changes as a result from all that complaining? I know for myself that I stayed for years in that quicksand of complaints and self-pity and rarely did anything about it. I often just went from meeting to meeting, therapist to therapist, partner to partner, or friend to friend, to whine. As soon as anyone suggested some positive changes I could make in my life, I’d make excuses on how difficult they would be, then I’d get angry at them, and more than not, I’d find a reason to move on to somewhere else or someone else that would join in my grievance sessions of life.
I’ve had many people throughout life tell me that no one really significantly changes from the core person they are inside. This is so far from the truth given how much I’ve changed from the person I once was. The real truth is that those people who say that no one really changes are the same people who don’t want to do the hard work necessary that comes with changing and growing. And because no changes are ever made by them, then nothing will ever be able to change in their lives for the better.
The real truth is this. On the one hand, people can choose to spend the rest of their lives holding onto the idea that no one ever really changes. They can continue to find fault with all the things they perceive to be going wrong in their lives indefinitely. And they can spend countless hours complaining and maintaining the belief that it’s just the cards they were dealt. In doing so, nothing will ever change for them and the only result will be a downward spiral into more and more negativity. But on the other hand, for those who do want to change, I encourage each of you to take a moment, breathe, and seek your Higher Power to ask for the strength for that to happen. Know that your Higher Power will come forth in response and propel you into action to making those changes. And rest assured, the result will be much brighter, and more positive then for anyone who chooses the other hand, because for them, if nothing changes, nothing changes…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson