Have you ever heard of the saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? I know I have. And as much as I don’t like to admit it, I have found there to be some great truth to this cliche. Unfortunately, up until now though, it seems as if I’ve been drawing into my own life most that fall into the reason or season category, but rarely a lifetime and sometimes I have felt rather lonely because of it.
Currently, I’m 41 years old and other than my sister (who really doesn’t count because she’s my family), there is only one person in my life who could fit into the “lifetime” category. His name is Cedric and he’s stuck by my side through thick and thin as my closest friend since 1997. While our friendship has gone through its many ups and downs since then, somehow it’s sustained all of it and we’ve been able to remain the best of friends. There are times though that I have been wondering lately if those connections between two people which last for a lifetime are because of a will greater than ourselves making it so? Is it a Higher Power that somehow causes this to happen? I don’t have the answer to that, but I know that in my many attempts to carbon copy this friendship with others I’ve met, they’ve resulted in them only lasting for a reason or season and nothing more.
I’ve lost count of the number of people in my life that have come and gone who I once thought were going to be just as close to me for many years to come like Cedric has been. Over the years, there has been quite a number of people I have called a close friend, who I became inseparable with and where I thought they would last for the rest of my lifetime. Sadly, none of them have. I’ve come to accept that some were probably driven away by my own addiction prone behaviors, where others most likely left because I was often too selfish and self-centered. I also know a few most likely ended solely became they became too unhealthy for me to be around. But the hardest ones for me to accept have always been the ones that dissipate for no apparent reason and where I never get to find out why. Recently, this very thing has happened to me and it has caused me some pain that I seem to be having a hard time letting go of. This is actually my second attempt to write about this, as my first became a long and drawn out sob story that I found to be rather dramatic, so I’m providing a quick summary instead so as not to bore you.
The long and short of what happened is this. I met a friend at an AA meeting on a visit to my partner back in the spring of 2012. We connected very quickly because of the talks we had about God and he grew quite excited about developing a great friendship with me. And we did just that, by spending much time hanging out together both at meetings and with our respective partners doing things socially. Zoom forward 18 months later, and it’s been 3 months now since I have heard from him. All of my attempts to reach out and contact him have gone unanswered and the last time I saw him was back in June at a meeting that came after three consecutive days of him canceling plans he had made with me.
Because of my relationship with my Higher Power today, I always look at my side of the street to see if there is something, anything, that can lead to things like this happening to me. But in the case of this friendship, I know of nothing that I did which could have led to its demise. So the only solution I came to, in letting this pain go, was to turn it completely over to my Higher Power through prayer. So here it goes…
Dear God, I pray that you bless this friend that you know I am talking about right now. Regardless of the pain I have of losing yet another friend, I am grateful to you that he helped me to feel welcomed for a period of time in a city that I was totally new to. And I am grateful as well for all those moments he embraced me warmly and assisted in establishing my solid footing in an area that I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to do so in. I thank you for providing me a friend for that reason alone and even for the fact that it lasted for about a season. For now, I fully close the door to this connection and turn it completely over to you. Whether it should ever re-open is entirely up to you now God. Either way, I am grateful for whomever You should choose to be in my life from this point forward, regardless of whether it becomes a reason, a season, or a lifetime…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson