For someone who is suffering from any type of addiction, a common illusion is that putting the addiction down is going to be the hardest part to finding recovery from it. The truth that most find out soon enough is that the hardest part is actually the work they need to do after quitting the addiction. And the reality that every person will face at some point in their recovery after realizing this is that they’ll get as much out of recovery as what they put into it.
I find that most newbies to 12 Step recovery programs initially come in broken and are willing to do just about anything to feel better. The problems for them begin to mount though when they start feeling better. That’s when the idea of going to meetings everyday, calling their sponsor regularly, doing the written step work, and doing any type of service work starts to fall to their wayside. And here’s the simple truth as to why that happens…
There are no quick fixes!
When active in an addiction, there is a quick fix, a quick high, and a quick result to feeling better, even if it’s just for a moment. In recovery though, there is not. Instead, there are a lot of planting of seeds through the recovery work to get to the state of feeling better more than not. Sadly, many people relapse as soon as they start figuring this out.
Since working my recovery diligently these past few years, I have seen what it takes to achieve the positive results that 12 Step recovery can bring a person that has suffered from any addiction. I have also seen many of the things that can lead a person back to relapse as well. They vary from person to person but here’s some examples from my own recovery that can help shed some light into the simple truth that one will only get out of recovery what they put into it.
1. In my first 12 years of sobriety, I had no recovery. I had no sponsor. I rarely attended any 12 Step meetings. I helped no one out but myself. I got involved in plenty of other substitute addictions. And my life was completely filled with drama and misery for most of it.
2. In years 12-13, I started to try a 12 Step recovery path. I called my sponsor every single day. I attended AA meetings almost every day. I volunteered at the AA hotline once a week. I spoke at least once a week at a detox or some other place of recovery for those still suffering. I did all the written work as my sponsor laid out for me. I started sponsoring others. But I kept a few substitute addictions alive by acting out in them regularly. While much of my drama and misery dissipated and was replaced with more feelings of happiness, I still had many moments of quick highs and terrible lows.
3. In years 13-16, I decided to take a break from much of that 12 Step recovery path. I started jumping from sponsor to sponsor and didn’t check in with any of them regularly. I attended meetings once or twice a week and played on my phone or talked with friends during the ones I did go to. I stopped volunteering at the AA hotline. I often avoided speaking at those detoxes and other places where people were still suffering. I got involved even deeper into those other substitute addictions. I began hanging out with those who were active in their own alcohol or drug addictions too. And not only did all of that lead me to the brink of relapse, I also tried to commit suicide.
4. In years 16-18+, I went back to the basics. I got a sponsor and started checking in with them regularly again. I went through the step work completely again too. I started doing more service work and began speaking several times a week at those detoxes and other places of recovery. I began attending at least four to five meetings a week and put my phone away during each of them. I cut out of my life all those people who were still active in their addictions and ended all my substitute addictions. Most recently, I started writing in this blog as part of the 12th Step so as to practice my spiritual awakening in all of my affairs. And because of all of this work, I don’t have any crazy highs or lows anymore, I am lot more clear in my thinking day to day, and I smile a lot more genuinely than I ever used to.
The bottom line here is quite simple with what I’m trying to say in these four stages of my sobriety…
You get out of recovery what you put into it.
If you put forward nothing into your recovery, like I did for the first 12 years, I’m sad to say, but you’ll probably just relapse or stay profoundly miserable for most of it.
If you put forward an 80 percent effort into your recovery, like I did in years 12-13, you’ll still have 20% of your life bringing you that pain and suffering just like you had when you were active in your addiction.
If you put forward a 20-40% effort, like I did in years 14-16, you’ll still have 60-80% of the time bringing you that pain and suffering just like you had when you were active in your addiction.
But if you put forward a 100% effort, like I have been doing in years 16-18+, chances are you’re going to eliminate all of the pain and suffering that came from your addiction. While I can’t promise you that life itself will become pain free in this stage, I can say that it will become 100% more manageable, no matter what life sends your way. So start putting forward 100% effort into your recovery, and never stop. In doing so, you stand the best chance in life to finding the peace and serenity that the 12 Steps and, of course, God, can bring you. And know that any less of an effort will only start taking you away from all of that…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson