Have you ever faced serious sexual temptation with someone else while you were already in a monogamous relationship? If you answered with a yes, then my real question for you is how did you handle it when it happened?
Facing temptation is unfortunately, a fact of living life. I wrote about this recently with some of the unhealthy temptations I have already faced in life. But most recently, I met someone who was the first real test to the stability and strength of not only the relationship I have with my current partner, but especially the one I have with myself. And I believe how I handled it showed my Higher Power that I finally have learned the lesson, as the first time I ever faced it, I didn’t fare so well. That was thirteen years ago.
Back then, I began a seven year relationship with someone who I thought I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with. One day though, several years into that relationship, I met someone else I was very attracted to, who had similar qualities to that partner. I thought it would be harmless to establish a friendship with them as long as I kept certain boundaries. Occasionally I would flirt and have sexual banter with them through random e-mails and phone calls. And for a short while, this went on where I thought nothing bad was coming of it. What I didn’t realize was how much this was totally undermining the relationship I was already in. Each time any differences or arguments arose between that partner and me, I would run to this other person I was smitten with to talk about what happened and receive their comfort. Eventually, all of that drove me one day to leaving that partner for this other person. And sadly, that new relationship only lasted two months. When the former partner took me back in shortly after that, things were never the same and we parted ways for good only a year later.
I’m convinced that there are dark forces at work out there in this world that we can’t necessarily see, which like to tempt us and tear apart anything we have that’s filled with love and light. I believe that’s what happened all those years ago when I attempted to juggle the friendship with that person I was seriously attracted to, while being in a monogamous relationship. The connection I have with my Higher Power today has helped me to see how I never should have opened the door in the first place and created a friendship like that outside the monogamous relationship.
I think it’s relatively easy though to find oneself getting into this type of a situation. Take two people who have been together for awhile. Usually they don’t have the huge sparks and pheromones raging like when they first met. And one day someone else comes along who catches the eye of one of these two people. They then discover the attraction is mutual and suddenly there are sparks and pheromones raging again reminding the person how it once felt. Suddenly they remember they’re already in a relationship and that’s the precise moment they realize they have two choices. They could (1) establish a boundary right off the bat by saying they’re already in a relationship and walk away. Or they could (2) engage in conversation with that person allowing themselves to be drawn further into those pheromones. The unfortunate demise for someone who takes the second choice is that it becomes harder and harder to walk away from that level of intensity the more they engage in it. I am a walking example of someone who took that second choice one too many times in life and paid its consequences. Somehow I just kept avoiding learning this lesson.
Whether people agree with me or not, I believe the Universe tests us to see if we have learned the lessons we have faced previously in life. I also believe that we continue to face those lessons again and again until we pass the test. In my case, as I mentioned earlier, I met someone recently where there were definitely some sparks and pheromones raging. While I wasn’t perfect in how I handled it, as I engaged in that connection for just under 48 hours, I knew what needed to be done so that I could show the Universe I’ve learned this lesson. After asking God for the strength to not make the same mistake again, I found the courage to take action. It was then I sent an e-mail to this person and explained how it would be unhealthy to continue developing a friendship with them. I wished them well on their journey in life and closed the door on that connection. And in doing so, I definitely felt much lighter.
You see, life is really all about choices. While I know there are some out there who might say it’s all about self-restraint, I’ve never had much luck in that department nor am I willing to take that chance again. The love I have for my partner today is something special and God-given and I’m not going to risk losing that again like I did with my ex so many years ago. Facing sexual temptation while in a monogamous relationship and walking away from it can be a very hard thing to do, especially for a person recovering from an addiction based life. But I know now I’ve chosen the right path as it’s the one that will continue to lead me closer to my Higher Power, to myself, and to a life filled with a lot more light and love.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson