As I continue to heal and work on practicing forgiveness with my partner over his infidelity, I have been thinking a lot about the other party involved in his indiscretion. Through several of our discussions, my partner told me that he had informed those he was about to cheat with that he was in a relationship and monogamous. Now I know it might seem ludicrous that my partner said those words prior to committing the act of cheating, but I believe there was a spiritual reason for him saying those words in those moments. Nevertheless, it was the actions of the other party upon them hearing those words that reminded me so much of my past.
Many years ago when I met a man through the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was single and felt a pretty serious attraction to him. Within a short period of time of getting to know him, he informed me he had been married for a very long time but also was extremely attracted to me. He also told me that he had committed many acts of indiscretion on the side with other men while his wife was oblivious to it all. In that moment, a person living with spiritual love and light in their lives and following a higher calling, would have taken a much higher road than the one I took. But sadly, I wasn’t filled back then with much love and light in my life nor was I allowing myself to heed any type of higher calling. The result was me beginning a serious engagement in regular sexual relations with this married man, which was no different than those who participated in my partner’s infidelity.
I want to provide you with a simple fact about infidelity. Whether it’s the one doing the act of cheating or the one on the sexual receiving end of it, there is no love and light involved in the act for either. It’s just pure lust. I remember those moments quite clearly still to this day when that man from the AA meeting looked at me and said he was married. I know I had a tremendous amount of lust in my eyes then and it didn’t matter to me that he was saying those words. Today, I am convinced that him telling me his marital status was his soul’s last ditch attempt to prevent the act from occurring. But neither of us were living with much love and light in our lives so the inevitable happened between us.
Most people on the sexual receiving end of those that are cheating often tell themselves that it’s ok to be engaging in the act solely because their ego tells them it’s ok. Back when that married man told me he wanted to be with me sexually, I allowed my ego to tell me just that because I was single. I also made the excuse in my brain that it was the married man who was making the poor decision and not me. The reality was that we both were but this wouldn’t be true for me today. If I were single right now and someone I found extremely attractive approached me with a desire to be with me sexually and told me beforehand that they weren’t single, I wouldn’t do anything with them. That’s only because I am living by a higher calling now and am not willing to engage in any lustrous behavior. I know now that doing so would compromise my spiritual position in life and only add more darkness to that other person engaging in it with me.
I feel sad for the couple my partner engaged in this sexual connection with because it’s clear to me that they are living in the same darkness like I once was. They ignored my partner’s last ditch attempt at maintaining his monogamy and proceeded to use him sexually for their own self gratification. There was no love involved in what happened in this indiscretion and while my partner is now living with shame and guilt because of it, they have moved on to anyone else willing to be an orifice for their sexual satisfaction.
While I know my partner did try to make that last ditch attempt at stopping himself from going through his act of cheating, it was already too late for him at that point as his lust and ego had full control. For those on the sexual receiving end of it, they too had the ability to stop it from ever happening, but they didn’t because their lust and ego had just as much of control over them as well. I know all too well what that feels like and what it did to me in the long run when I kept doing it. I also realize now how I was just as much of a sick person as that married man from AA I once was regularly being sexual with.
The bottom line for all those who are on the sexual receiving end of those that are cheating on their partners is that they are no different than the ones doing the cheating. They have every ability to stop it and yet they don’t because their lust and ego drives them to keep doing it. The only solution I have ever found to preventing myself from either cheating or being on the sexual receiving end of someone cheating is to draw closer to my Higher Power. Through that, I have been able to see the ugliness that comes from those types of low vibration sexual acts where very little love and light, if any at all, is ever present in them.
I pray that my partner truly realizes just how much he allowed himself to be used by that other party who engaged in the indiscretion with him. For that other party’s sake, I also pray that they may one day realize how spiritually sick they are. I was once both in their shoes as well as my partner’s and it’s a very dark place to be in. Thankfully, my Higher Power has completely freed me from having the desire for any of that behavior. And I know that as long as I keep that connection close to my Higher Power, I’ll never go back to those dark lustrous and ego based actions ever again…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
