A Question About Resurrection

I’m currently just a few weeks into this new television show entitled Resurrection. So far, the entire premise surrounds the strange return of several previously dead individuals to their families and loved ones. And no, this isn’t a new zombie television show, even though it may sound like it. In fact each of the people who have returned so far, are quite alive and healthy. But let me set something straight before you get the wrong impression, this entry is not specifically about that show or my theories behind it. Instead, it’s about a question that show has raised within me since I began to watch it.

What would I do if someone I once loved and cared about, who had previously died, suddenly returned from the grave, completely alive and well, as if not a single day had passed since their death?

A lot of thoughts cross my mind when I ponder this question. Of course the first people I think of are my father and mother, who both tragically died from their brief life on this planet. For those readers who are new to my writings, my father took his own life around the age of 51, while my mother died when she fell down the stairs in a drunken episode at the age of 61. To imagine either one of them suddenly showing up on my doorstep, alive and well, seems inconceivable. Realistically, I’m sure my ego would most likely be running through the same gambit of crazy questions the characters are doing now in that latest episode of Resurrection.

What I do know is that if my mother or father were to reappear today, all conspiracies and alien theories aside, I would embrace them with all the love and light I could muster. Many years ago though, I couldn’t say the same. Back then I harbored fierce anger and resentment anytime I thought about them.

It took me a long time to find forgiveness in my heart for both of my parents because of what I went through with them my entire life, especially with how their lives ended. Before that happened, I used to talk about their alcoholism and mental illness to others with viciousness and spite in my words. And what I didn’t realize was how much that was holding me back from not only healing my own life, but also in seeing any of the good they did do while they were alive. Thankfully, that’s not the case anymore.

When I speak of my parents these days in any of the motivation talking I do with others, it’s never to put them down, as I love the both of them dearly now. The reality is that I have been freed from that poison I placed within myself all those years I carried anger towards them. I truly don’t feel that anymore, nor do I feel any hate, rage, frustration, or negative emotions towards either of them. It took me years of hard work in therapy, with many spiritual teachers, and with my recovery work, to get here. And this is the reason why I know if my parents were to be resurrected today for some strange reason, I would have only one desire, which is to show them as much unconditional love as I could.

I know this idea of people returning from the grave in a non zombie-like state is pretty far-fetched and hard to grasp. But in all truthfulness, that was never the point of this article. The only thing I had hoped all of you would see is how you might feel inside if loved ones suddenly started returning from the grave, alive and well.

If some part of you felt any ill-will or negative emotions when you pictured them coming back, then just know it’s an area of your life that you may want to spend some more time working on. Harboring any anger, negativity, or resentment towards anyone, dead or alive, is only going to prevent you from spiritually growing and becoming the beacon of light that you are meant to become.

I should know as I spent years being angry with my parents, well beyond the day they died. While my mother and father may have passed rather young and cut their lives short from what they could have achieved here, I’m thankful I’m not haunted anymore by any negative memories of them. But even more importantly, I am quite grateful for a television show like Resurrection. Watching its first few episodes have reminded me how much spiritual work I’ve done in my life to have the good memories that I do now of my parents.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

A Prayer For Trusting

Having trust in others has always been a hard thing for me to do. Initially, that stemmed from the abandonment issues I had with my parents, the fact that I was molested at such a young age, and many people throughout the years I drew in close to me who I allowed to use me in some way. While I’ve worked through all those past issues extensively, lately I’ve been seeing I still have some trust issues left to work through, most specifically with my partner and with my Higher Power (whom I refer to as God).

With my partner, my trust has been shaken ever since his infidelity last October.

With God, my trust has been shaken for the past few years given all the health issues I’ve been enduring.

Each of these trust issues undermine my ability to become healthier in both my relationship with my partner and also with God. For this reason, I decided to write a prayer today to help myself move beyond this.

“Dear God, I am tired of struggling with trust issues throughout my life. I know they hold me back on some level from healing, growing, and becoming the spiritual person I want to become. If there is any part of me God that has not forgiven anyone or anything, including You, for any area where I thought that my trust was broken, I send love, forgiveness, and peace out to every one of them now. Help me God to trust again in my partner, in You, in my health and healing, and all those You may put into my life for any reason that are part of my spiritual growth. I want to be fully trusting with each of them, especially with myself and the health and healing taking place within me. Please restore that fully God so that I may become a being filled with a much greater capacity for love and light. Amen.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

My Beautiful Ceramic Vase

When I was first brought into this world, my Creator made me into something that I believe was most like a beautiful ceramic vase.

I was shiny, vibrant, and flawless in every way. People loved holding me, admiring me, and taking pictures of me. And I know that my Creator was so very happy of his masterpiece.

Unfortunately as I grew older, my vase began to sustain some damage. Small cracks would appear in me every time my parent’s alcoholism reared its ugly head. Chips would come out of me every time I was bullied in school. A large part of me cracked off when I was molested by an older man around the age of 12. It was then that my beautiful ceramic vase was no longer so shiny, vibrant, and flawless in every way.

When I found alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes were able to ease my childhood pains for a time, many more chips, dings, and cracks would happen to my once beautiful vase. By the time I found freedom from all those addictions, I was starting to look quite dull and become overlooked in life. Although I could still be filled with water and adorned with flowers, they would always wither within me after a short period of time.

For the next twelve years, I kept running away from the Creator of my once beautiful ceramic vase. During that time, several more large chunks of me would fall out as I became active in many other toxic addictions and had to endure not only my father’s suicide, but also my mother’s tragic death when she fell down the stairs drunk. Somehow, all of the patchwork I did to my once beautiful ceramic vase kept me together, except now; I was something that only my Creator was able to still see my original beauty.

And then the day arrived when a seven year relationship to someone I loved dearly had come to an end and I found that money wasn’t going to buy me happiness. All at once a huge crack appeared on my once beautiful ceramic vase, and suddenly I shattered completely apart into a million pieces.

It was then that I did my best to pick up all of them and trudge on a long road to find my Creator again. My only hope was that I could be fully repaired. The first destination on that road was when I entered the recovery world and began practicing the 12 Steps. I soon discovered that my original vase was totally beyond repair. Every time I tried to glue together some of my old pieces, I would fall back apart. Every time I poured water into me, it would spill back out.

Through the 3rd Step in recovery, I finally realized I had only one solution to rectify this. That was when I got on my knees a few years ago, and asked my Creator to make me into an entirely brand new, beautiful ceramic vase.

One that will become stronger than ever before…

One that will become more beautiful than ever…

And one that will become so full of life, it will draw flowers to it. Even those that are withering, but each will find life upon meeting the water within it.

Today, I am beginning to see how I am becoming that. While I know my vase is still being etched, shaped, and formed into another masterpiece by my Creator, I can see those things I prayed for are slowly coming true within it. But even more importantly, as long as I stay close to my Creator from here on out, I truly believe that my beautiful ceramic vase will never lose its shine, vibrancy, or become flawed ever again…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson