You Can’t Force A Person’s Recovery From Addiction

There are times I truly struggle being a sponsor of others in recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction. The one I’m facing as of late is that I can’t force a person to do  the work, as that only ends up making me feel like I’m chasing after their recovery.

I believe a fine line exists between helping a person do the recovery work necessary to heal and controlling them into doing it. I’ve had to take a few of my own steps back with some of those I’ve sponsored over the years, because it really felt at times as if I was trying to do their recovery work for them. The fact is it’s not my place to ever chase after anyone’s recovery.

When a person becomes willing to do the work that’s critical to recovering from any addiction is ultimately up to them. I resisted this work for a very long time and that was extremely evident with the first sponsor I had in sobriety. He gave me plenty of suggestions, guidance, and direction that could have helped me immensely on my spiritual path in life, except I rarely listened to any of them. The truth was that I wasn’t ready to do that work, as I was still having too much fun, or so I thought, from living in all my character defects. Even more important is that my pain hadn’t become great enough yet from existing that way. That sponsor eventually let me go and for good reason, because I’m sure there were a number of other potential sponsees out there who were willing to take his suggestions. Thankfully, I would find enough willingness many more years later to follow another sponsor’s guidance in recovery.

Now that I’m on the other side of the coin sponsoring various individuals myself, I have to remember this important principle. I can NEVER drive any person’s recovery from addiction. Neither can that person’s partner, husband, wife, boss, friend, or anyone else for that matter. They are the one’s who have to want it. When they don’t, it becomes rather apparent because they stop calling regularly, they stop asking for time availability to meet with them, and they start making excuses as to why they aren’t doing the work.

Unfortunately, I’ve tried many times quite unsuccessfully to motivate sponsees into doing their recovery work when they get this way. But all that’s done is lead them even further away from wanting to do it with the excuse that I’m being too controlling of them. On some level, they were right and I’ve taken note.

Now I fully see that as a sponsor, I can never force anyone into doing the work, as it only ends up with me feeling like I’m chasing after their recovery. It’s totally in their court and each must find enough willingness on their own to take the suggestions, guidance, and direction I have to offer from my own experience, strength, and hope. Until they do, I will continue working with my Higher Power to help those who are reaching out and wanting to do whatever’s necessary to get better and live a life free from addiction.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Another War, Another Step Away From Peace

Air war in Syria could last years.” This is one of the news headlines I saw recently for the latest warfare our country has begun. While our motivation in this one is to defeat al-Qaeda-linked terrorists and Islamic State fighters from Syria, the sad reality is that it’s only going to create more of what it’s actually trying to prevent in the long run.

I think it’s important for me to say first and foremost that I support my country, I really do. But I don’t believe in any type of war, including this latest one against the radicals in Syria. Obviously our goal is to help bring greater peace to this country, except peace will never be fully achieved through violent means such as this. Any peace that ends up appearing to be achieved in this way is really only a temporary illusion. The only reason why I believe I can safely say this is due to all the innocent casualties that occur from any type of war. Let me explain this a little better.

As I write this, I’m sure there are bombs being dropped and guns being fired in Syria. And while some of those terrorists and radicals are probably getting eliminated in the process, there are most likely others who are going to escape that initially had no desire to be part of this battle. But when they suddenly see loved ones killed, there’s a good chance they’re going to become consumed with anger and rage, and when that happens, another extremist is instantly born. Sometimes this might happen instantly if the person is old enough, and sometimes it could happen much farther down the road. Either way, this is how many of these militants come to be and their only desire from that point forward is usually to take down the oppressor, or if you prefer, the bully.

In all actuality, going to war is like being a bully, but on a much larger scale. The goal of a bully is usually to scare everyone into submission, leaving them in total control of everything and everyone. While many will put up with that control because of fear, there are always those who end up fighting back again and again until the bully suffers or is taken down.

In this case, I can almost guarantee that this air war is only going to affect our country down the road and I dread that thought completely. We’ve already been through enough incredible tragedy with the events on 9/11/2001, much of which I believe was a rebellious act from those our country formerly bullied on some level.

The simple fact is that all war is only going to breed more war. To achieve that end goal of creating peace, our country, and all countries for that matter, has to become peace itself. I pray to my Higher Power that somehow, someday, we may all see this truth. But until then, my heart goes out to all the innocent people on both sides of this latest act of aggression who may either end up perishing or watching other loved ones perish in the process. May we all just find more forgiveness in our hearts instead of turning to anger, rage, and more war in this world, as then and only then, will we achieve the peace we seek.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Jail Cell Of Unforgiveness and Bitterness

Unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else’s crime…”

This is a quote I saw recently on a wall located within a local Salvation Army shelter. It’s one that definitely grabbed my attention enough that I took out my phone to capture a snapshot of it before I left. Why? Because unforgiveness is something that kept me locked away in a jail cell of my own making where bitterness was the only thing there that reigned supreme within me.

I honestly thought it was ok at the time to never forgive a diving coach who molested me, a father who committed suicide, a mother who drank herself into a deathly fall down the stairs, or an ex-partner who had such serious financial struggles in life that it eventually led to the loss of a business we owned together. What I didn’t see though in being unforgiving to each of these people was that the only person getting hurt in doing so was myself.

Living in that jail cell of bitterness was how I actually hurt myself. That’s because that bitterness was really nothing more than me just living with resentments. And like I say in life time and time again these days, all resentments are nothing more than just poison to the soul.

This poison I’m speaking of is the anger that arises out of that bitterness and resentment. When harbored long enough, anger will become like cancer to the body. It will eat away at a person until all the healthy parts are gone. My own lack of forgiveness to those people who had harmed me truly did eat away at me from within until I became so consumed with negativity that I even held bitterness towards myself.

Through the help of my Higher Power and the 12 Steps of recovery, I was given a key to leave that self-made jail cell once and for all. That key was in practicing forgiveness and today I do that anytime I begin to feel bitterness towards anyone or anything, including myself.

So please don’t allow your own ego’s to fool you like I once did. Unforgiveness might feel justified in the beginning when you get seriously hurt, but in the long run, the only person that’s really going to suffer from practicing it is you. Always send love, forgiveness, and peace to anyone you ever feel bitterness towards, and I can promise you that your life will feel a lot freer than if you don’t…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson