I knew a tremendous amount of people during my college years at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT). In fact, I was a regular partygoer with most of them during my drinking and drugging heydays. Sometimes I’ve wondered if that’s precisely the reason why I never was able to fortify and deep and long-lasting friendships with any of them back then. But other times I’ve questioned whether it’s due to an action I took after graduating, which was to come out of the closet. Ironically, the latter of which was confirmed recently when a former college-drinking buddy resurfaced in my life named Frank.
When I met Frank, I wasn’t out of the closet. In fact I was only dating women at the time and had no real idea about my sexuality. While there were plenty of moments I had my doubts about my sexual attractions then, I usually took them as the result of my excessive drinking and drugging, especially given the ways my brothers in Phi Kappa Psi acted when they drank as well. In all honesty, I assumed it was just being one of the guys.
It was because of Phi Kappa Psi though that I befriended Frank, as he was a friend of one of my fraternity brothers. In time, the two of us started hanging out and partied quite a bit together. For the majority of a good portion of one of my college years, things remained that way until he became more serious about his academia and I more serious about my growing addiction to alcohol and drugs. Soon, we only saw each other in passing on campus, as I was always off to the next party, while he tried to focus more on getting his degree.
Six months after graduating, I was working in Fairfax, Virginia and at the bottom of my alcoholism and drug addiction. I hadn’t spoken with Frank for at least nine months, maybe more. He was one of those I had begun to regret losing contact with at that point in my life. I started having many regrets like this as I tried to sober up, because I realized my disease had pushed many good friends away just like Frank.
After I finally got clean and sober from alcohol and drugs, I started facing my sexuality issues. In time, I came to acceptance that I was gay, and began taking steps to call various fraternity brothers and former friends of mine from college that I had lost contact with hoping they might accept me. Most didn’t go over so well. Frank was one of them. I don’t remember much of our conversation, other than it being the last one I’d have with him for almost two decades.
On and off throughout a good portion of the years that would pass after that conversation, I often wondered where Frank was, how he was doing, and hoping one day he might resurface in my life. Sadly, somehow I forgot his last name and was unable to look for him because of it. But I think that’s the way my Higher Power probably wanted it. I’m not sure if I would have had as much of an appreciation for Frank resurfacing in my life if it had been during any of my addiction-riddled years. Thankfully, I’m not in that place anymore and I truly believe that’s why my Higher Power knew I was ready to receive a spiritual gift that would come in the form of Frank finding me on Facebook.
The wonders of social media are sometimes a very beautiful thing because Frank was able to locate me on Facebook just over a week ago now. After getting a message from him there, I received a phone call from him a few nights later and an apology on how he handled my “coming out” to him all those years ago. He told me guilt had riddled him for years and wanted to say he was sorry, of which I wholeheartedly accepted.
I’m not sure if I would have had as much of an appreciation for that hour-long conversation with Frank if I were still actively engaging in the things I did during much of the 19 years that had passed since last hearing his voice. Regardless, I’m just grateful for the gift from my Higher Power and take it as a sign of the spiritual growth I’ve made in my life.
So even though I may have been a little too erratic and hasty in my coming out process with people like Frank back in the mid-90’s, it goes to show that my coming out to a blast from the past wasn’t really the end of a connection, it was only a long pause to one. I think that has to happen sometimes to allow for two people to grow enough spiritually so that they may reconnect on a much healthier level down the road. Thank you Frank for reaching out, as you really helped to bring a little more peace and serenity into my life and for that I’m truly blessed…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
Funny how Gods timing works. He keeps us safely waiting till we’re ready to receive his gifts to us. Orchestrating the reunion only when BOTH of you were ready to recieve his gift.
It was definitely a blessing!