It’s been a long while since I had an entirely great day, where my body wasn’t hurting, and where I felt truly happy to be alive. Living day to day with chronic pain has made it extremely difficult to remain positive, especially because I honestly can’t remember when that last day was from beginning to end where I felt amazing and blessed to be alive. But on a random day recently when I went to a local spiritual store, the owner of the shop listened to my ongoing sadness over my health and had some great advice for me, as she too has been battling her own forms of chronic pain. She suggested I start looking for those moments of happiness throughout the day and dwelling on them, rather than looking at how one more day passed mostly riddled with agony.
As I sat there and listened to her explain that sometimes she only finds moments here and there where she feels at peace, I completely understood. Living with chronic pain has made it extremely difficult for me to smile, to laugh, and to really feel a part of God’s world, no matter how beautiful something has been going on around me. I understood the owner of this shop even more when she said that sometimes the only serenity she finds for a complete 24 hours is when she is sitting in her backyard spending time alone observing nature or reading a book. She further explained to me that it’s helped her at day’s end to reflect back on those serene moments from the day, instead of getting upset at the fact that the overall day was mostly arduous.
Since visiting this woman’s shop that day, I have been practicing this very technique. It has helped me some, because there definitely are plenty of serene moments I have here and there during one whole day. Sometimes they come during a meditation, sometimes they come in my own backyard watching the birds, sometimes they come during an enjoyable meal, and sometimes they come in doing something so simple as just holding my partner’s hand.
But all in all, living with chronic pain and waiting for it to pass, has without a doubt been the biggest challenge I’ve ever had to face in life. Thus, I’m very grateful to have met someone who gave me a new way of looking at my present situation, because life has been a little better since I began looking for those moments of happiness. So I think I’m going to keep on practicing this, because eventually in doing so, those moments will begin to expand more and more until I do have an entire day of peace and serenity once again…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
Focus on the happy moments my friend.
Thanks Dexter. 🙂
Forgive a lengthy comment, please….some early morning ramblings.
Your honesty about your struggles always both encourages me and kicks my ass simultaneously. When I would find a good excuse to whine about something, I think of you, shut up, and just go on. I know that nothing I endure will match what you deal with each and every day.
Those two words – go on – made me think of the incredible power of Leonard Bernstein’s epic musical opus “MASS.” It is an incredibly inspirational and yet painfully challenging piece which Bernstein used to point out both the beauty and the problems of the Catholic faith in the setting of a performance of the Catholic mass. Much of the lyrics are the actual Latin Mass – the CD has a booklet with the translations – but there are other lyrics that were added from Stephen Schwartz (“Godspell”) and even Paul Simon.
The main story is of the Celebrant, who begins by preparing for serving Mass (“A Simple Song”), and in the act of serving (and hearing everyone’s criticism of the beliefs inherent in the Mass) comes to a crisis of faith, untimately smashing the Communion elements (“Agnus Dei/Things Get Broken”).
In the process of recovering himself from this apparent breakdown, the Celebrant sings a very weak and plaintive version of “The Lord’s Prayer,” expressing the very strength in the prayer even in the midst of his brokenness. It is followed by this simple trope titled, “I Go On:”
When the thunder rumbles, now the age of gold seems dead,
And the dreams we clung to, dying to stay young, have left us parched and old instead,
When my courage crumbles, when I I feel confused and frail,
When my spirit falters on decaying alters, and my illusions fade….
I go on – right then
I go on, again.
I go on to say, “I will celebrate another day.”
I go on.
If tomorrow tumbles, and everything I love is gone,
I will face regret all my days, and yet, I will still go on…
Lauda, lauda, laude’ …
Lauda lauda de da, de de’…
(In Latin, lauda is a Latin imperative from the verb laudo. The best translation of “Lauda, laude’ ” I’ve heard is “I will praise him, let us praise him.” It is a recurring theme throughout Leonard Bernstein’s “Mass.”)
You can hear “Lord’s Prayer/I Go On” here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4_OjFPtF_c
You can hear Alan Titus singing the amazing original performance of “A Simple Song” here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a4naYEHUZs
For what it’s worth….
Great comments and thank you so much for the words being put there, as they were definitely reassuring! 🙂
Keep doing as you are. You will find the peace you seek once you clear the past fears from your life.
Love you!
Thank you Chris for all your love and support!