I used to struggle letting go of the past, especially when it came to the actions of others that negatively affected me. And even when I eventually forgave them and saw they were working on themselves to become healthier individuals, I’d often still look at them with judgmental thoughts. In other words, they could do nine out of ten things right in my eyes, but as soon as they made one mistake resembling them of old, I’d make an assumption they hadn’t changed one bit.
I’ve worked hard to change this behavior though. Nowadays, I forgive far more easily because I find it’s only poison to my soul when I don’t. And even when I see someone I’ve forgiven do similar actions that had hurt me in the past, I love them anyway, and will look for the good they are doing instead of pointing out their flaws. I do occasionally struggle with this though, notably when it comes to my partner, but there too, I’m making strides to see and focus on his good rather than on comparing him to the things he’s done in the past.
Unfortunately, I’m now on the receiving end of this old behavior. What I mean by that is how there are a number of individuals in my life these days who just can’t seem to let go of the old me who was self-seeking, controlling, and manipulating more than not. So rather than focus on all the good qualities I have these days and see the progress I’ve made spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically, they continue to look for any moment where my actions or words remind them of my negative past.
I’ve wanted to be upset about this, but how can I be given I once was doing the same behavior all the time. That’s why I love this quote from Matthew 7:3 that says “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
Nevertheless, it’s difficult to be on the receiving end of a behavior I’ve worked so hard to remove within myself. But getting a taste of my own medicine has proven to be beneficial to me on one level.
I really never had any idea what it felt like with those I judged, with who I never fully let go of their past. But now I do. I only hope that one day all those who are doing it with me now, may let go of their fears and negative judgments of me and see that I truly am doing everything I can these days to be a more selfless, caring, and unconditionally loving person.
Until then, I plan on continuing to love each of them anyway, even in the face of them struggling to let go of my past. And I pray that one day they will see me as my Higher Power does with me now, which is someone who is doing everything he can to love as He does.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson