Being back in the Boston area this week, after four years of absence since moving to Toledo, has definitely been interesting. While I have plenty of good memories here, mostly from the 12-step recovery realm, I, unfortunately, also have plenty of bad memories too, all of which stem from the sex and love addict behaviors I used to regularly engage in here.
During five of the seven years I lived in this area, I addictively chased after three specific individuals, each who were married or in a relationship already with someone else. I lost sight of myself in the process and along the way, I also lost sight of all of the good morals I learned in my recovery work, including honesty and integrity, each of which totally went out the window.
Driving around here these past few days has definitely reminded me of this. Constantly seeing restaurants, parks, golf courses, movie theaters, and various other places of interests where I hung out with these individuals and was only focused on one thing, has caused me to reflect on just how much precious time I lost from this sick addiction.
This area has a lot of God-made nature beauty within it and many magnificent things to see and partake in as well, and yet, I spent most of my time here focused, obsessed really, on the people I was addicted to, rather than on any of that splendor.
And another sad truth is I don’t remember much of the social activities I did here either, as much as I remember the far too many attempts I made to sleep with these three individuals. This is without a doubt the very reason why it’s taken me four years to return here, as I tend to be reminded here more of these bad memories than the good.
In all honestly, I lost myself for most of the time I lived in this Boston area. And to be more accurate, I lost myself in these three specific individuals. I also lost sight of God because of it and I lost sight of me and the beautiful soul God gave me too. Instead, most of my sight was geared towards engaging in the sex and love addiction and that part of me remained mostly in control, leading me to regularly doing so many things that I used to be very ashamed to admit.
I’m so thankful I’m six years removed from any of those behaviors today and I’m so thankful I’m sober from this addiction now too. Because at least during this week-long trip, I’m now able to create new memories, ones that aren’t deeply enmeshed anymore in an addiction that used to taint my mind, body, and soul on a regular basis, and ones that will forever be remembered on a much more positive level…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson