Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion.The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces, “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!” As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash. The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, he says, “My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?” The man says, “Listen, I don’t want your money buddy! I don’t want your daughter either man! I want the person who f$#%ing pushed me into that water!!!”

Silly Joke #2

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything went quite well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up Nuts”, and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, “Down Nuts”, and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, “Cheer Nuts” They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, “Booooo Nuts” and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his missing assistant, the doctor asked:” What in the world happened?” The assistant replied: “Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, “PEANUTS!”

Silly Joke #3

A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out. The parched wanderer asked, “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?” The man replied, “I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with your clothes.” The desperate man shouted, “I don’t want a tie, you idiot, I need water!” The peddler then kindly said in response, “OK, don’t buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they’ll give you all the water you want.” The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned. The man at the card table said, “I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?” The man scowled and said, “I found it all right! They wouldn’t let me in without a tie!!!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Q: What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
A: Anna one, Anna two…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question To Ponder For The Day

In yesterday’s blog entry, I talked about an inspirational movie, “Alpha”, that I saw recently and how it was all about survival, defying the odds, and never giving up. Can you name any other movie you might have seen before that’s similar in nature and has an uplifting ending?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Alpha”, A Truly Inspirational Film About Survival, Defying The Odds, And Never Giving Up

Inspiration to keep going for a person like me who’s struggling with chronic pain is often hard to come by, but when it does, it tends to arrive in unexpected ways, as it did when I watched the movie “Alpha” in the theater recently.

Starring Kodi Smit-Mcphee as a young man mamed Keda, “Alpha” takes place some 20,000 years ago during the prehistoric past, where men and women live in small tribes, hunt for survival, and fight off the many perils that tend to threaten their very existence at every turn, ranging from the extremes of the natural elements to ferocious wildlife. As part of Keda’s tribal culture, he must go through a rite of passage into manhood by venturing out on their annual hunt for buffalo that takes them many miles from home. It becomes overly apparent from the onset though that Keda doesn’t feel quite up to the task, as he struggles early on in his attempt to start a fire and is unable to finish killing a wild boar for his father either. When he finally encounters the wild buffalo along with his tribe, his struggles continue when one suddenly charges at him, causing him to run in the opposite direction out of fear. As it attacks him, Keda’s clothing gets impaled onto one of its horns, which ends with him being thrown off a cliff in the process. As he lands on a narrow ledge far below and remains unresponsive to the cries of his father, he’s presumed dead and a sacred altar is left behind marking his passage into the next life. But when Keda awakes a day later to find a vulture pecking at his face and a badly injured left ankle and foot, he discovers his tribe is gone and must face the rite of passage into manhood alone, beginning with a very hungry pack of wolves who are hunting him down. When he injures the alpha of the pack and finds safety from the rest of them in the heights of a broad tree, he’s confronted the next morning with a moral decision to either kill the dying wolf or nurse it back to health. Opting for the latter, thus begins a spiritual journey within for a fearful young adult who’s fighting for survival, against all odds, by choosing to never give up, all in the hopes he’ll find his way back home once more.

“Alpha” was truly an inspirational film for me, mostly because I saw myself in Keda’s shoes quite a bit throughout the movie. There have been so many times, especially as of late, where I’ve wanted to give up because the odds of making it through all of my suffering have felt utterly impossible. With pain bearing down on so many parts of me on a regular basis and one thing after another frequently causing me to feel like life is ridiculously upside-down, the desire to keep going just hasn’t been there more than not. Yet, somewhere deep within me something has kept me going, some desire to not give up, no matter how bad things may seem or get. And like Keda, who too fought through the very same feelings along his journey, all to simply make it home, my only desire has been the same, with my home being to reach a oneness and healing with God.

So, in the end, for a movie that had no English-speaking parts and only subtitles throughout, and one that focused solely on a young man and a wolf doing their best to defy the odds of survival on a quest that seemed next to impossible, I became greatly encouraged on my own healing journey to not give up, and that alone was exactly the inspiration I needed and why I ultimately appreciated the movie “Alpha”.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson