Silly Joke #1
A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asked her mother, “Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?” The mother replied, “Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work.” The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and said, “Ah, C’mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud… They’re friggin’ hookers!” A period of silence followed where the mother was obviously upset. The daughter eventually broke the silence and asked, “Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?” The mother replied, “Of course, dear. Where do you think cab drivers come from?”
Silly Joke #2
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital and she timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”The operator responded, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the patient’s name and room number?” The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.” The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.” After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone, “Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday.” The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.”The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?” The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything.”
Silly Joke #3
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.” “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.” She responds, “Well, let’s see if you qualify. #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic.” The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!” The nun says “OK, pull into the next alley.”He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. “My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?” “Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”The nun says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a costume party.”
Bonus Joke
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” she asks. “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
