I’m often asked what the signs of sex and love addiction are from people who don’t quite understand what the addiction is or are possibly facing it themselves. In light of that, the following is a quick list of the basic signs of sex and love addiction.
Signs of Sex Addiction
- Desire to stop or limit a sexual behavior and cannot
- Deny, rationalize, defend, or minimize sexual behavior
- At odds with values
- Sexualize others
- Hide sexual behaviors/living a double life
- Use sex to heal past trauma
- Degrade or degraded by sexual behavior
- Violate trust of others
- Get sexually transmitted diseases and sexually transmitted infections
- Use people for sexual gratification
Signs of Love Addiction
- Abnormal preoccupation with love including in their entertainment.
- Love is consuming and obsessive.
- Obsessed with finding “the One.”
- They lack true intimacy.
- Short, highly intense relationships.
- Craves initial rush, becomes restless & anxious over time.
- Expects someone else to solve their problems, care for and/or “rescue” them.
- Demand unconditional positive regard at all times.
- May create conflict if their issue or expectation is unresolved.
- Attracted to Love Avoidants (people who are emotionally unavailable) and abusers.
If you can relate to a good number of either of these, know there is help out there and you’re not alone. I’ve decided to also provide a link below to a list of 40 questions that can help you decide whether you have a problem or not with sex and love addiction. When I first did this survey almost eight years ago now, it was well before I openly admitted that I might be a sex and love addict. When I finally began working the 12 Steps for Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) though, I was honest enough to let people know I had answered “Yes” to at least three quarters of those questions. Thankfully, these days, my answers to this questionnaire are far different due to me working the 12 Steps and maintaining my sober line for almost seven years now.
Here’s the link to the SLAA 40 questions -> https://slaafws.org/download/core-files/The_40_Questions_of_SLAA.pdf
And please remember, this is help out there and you’re not alone…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson