Silly Joke #1
A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he’d need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper: “Please wake me at 5 a.m.” The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and he’d missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and scream at his wife when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed that said: “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.”
Silly Joke #2
An old drunk stumbled across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”The drunk looks back and says, “Yes, preacher, I sure am.” The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” the preacher asks.” Nooo, I didn’t!” said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?” “Noooo, I have not, Reverend!” The preacher, feeling rather frustrated, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, finally brings him out of the water, and says in a somewhat harsh tone, “My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?!” The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in???”
Silly Joke #3
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect lake camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Rob’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. “Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?” “Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said ‘guess who’?” I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand-new see-through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, “Now, you can do whatever you want!”” So here I am.
Bonus Silly Joke
A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls”. Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked. “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
