Silly Joke #1
Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said, “Officer, I don’t understand, I wasn’t doing over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?” “Ma’am,” the officer said, “You should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous.” “Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour”, the old woman said proudly. The officer, trying not to laugh, explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A little embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. “Before I go Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone ok? These women seem badly shaken and haven’t said a word since I pulled you over.””Oh! they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 142”!
Silly Joke #2
A woman in her late thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?” The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old!” The husband replies, “What did he say about your 42-year old ass?” “Your name never came up,” she replied.
Silly Joke #3
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months as his time on Earth was nearing an end, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” “What dear?” she asks lovingly. “I really think you bring me bad luck!”
Bonus Silly Joke
Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked: “Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to answer as honestly as she could. “Well,” she said hesitantly, “it’s called sexual intercourse…” “Oh, okay,” said the boy and he ran outside to carry on playing with his friends. A few minutes later, he came back in and said angrily: “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called bunk beds. And Jimmy’s mom would like a word with you!!!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson