Silly Joke #1
Man: “Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?
Priest: “My son, do you mean a choir?”
Man: “Fine Father! Do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?”
Silly Joke #2
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I started, and hadn’t finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo’s, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Ritz crackers, and a box of Godiva Chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.
Silly Joke #3
A little boy walked up to home plate in an empty baseball field, with his bat and ball in hand. As he threw the ball up in the air, he proclaimed, “I am the best ball player ever!” He swung with all his might, but missed. He did the same thing and missed again. He picked up the ball, tossed it up one more time, said “I am the best ball player in the world!” Then he swung and missed again. “Wow!” he said. “I am the best pitcher ever on the planet!”
Bonus Silly Joke (For Adults Only)
Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all? She asks, “What?” “SEX!!!” Annabel exclaims, “Why you old fart, you couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!” “I know,” Howard says, “but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while.” “Well, I can oblige”, says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard’s manhood. Then, one night, Howard didn’t show up at their usual meeting place.Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident-who was holding Howard’s manhood! Furious, Annabel yelled, “You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don’t have?!” Howard smiled happily and replied, “Parkinson’s.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson