Silly Joke #1
Three men were waiting to go to heaven. Saint Peter was at the gate and said to all of them, “However good you were to your wife, that is the vehicle you will get in heaven”. The first guy comes up to the gate and says, “I never, ever cheated on my wife and I always unconditionally loved her”. So, Saint Peter gives him a Rolls Royce. The next man comes up and says, “I cheated on my wife a little but I always did my best to still show her all the love I could.” Saint Peter then gives him a Mustang. The next guy came up and said, “Sadly, I cheated on my wife a lot”. Saint Peter then gives him a scooter. Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying. He asked, “Why are you crying when you got such a nice car?!!!” The man sobbed, “My wife just went by on roller skates!”.
Silly Joke #2
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car. After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. “What’s in the bag?” asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, “It’s a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband.” The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, “Good trade.”
Silly Joke #3
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.”The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.” The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper!” The father looked at him and said, “Okay son, why don’t you whisper in my ear then?”
Bonus Silly Joke
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. “WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. “ALL RIGHT, I’M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN’T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON’T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!” Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, “Say partner, before you go…what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
