Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.” The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?”The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!”

Silly Joke #2

A old man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his middle-age son. However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing back down. This goes on for a while, when his aging wife sticks her head out of the front door and yells, “You need more tail!”  The old man turns to his son and says, “Son, I’ll never understand your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite!!!”

Silly Joke #3

A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this exam,” she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean,” she whispers, “I would do anything…” He returns her gaze, “Anything?” “Anything.” His voice softens, “Anything?” “Anything,” she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you … study?”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult humor only)

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he’s lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters, “I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?” The parrot says, “With my prick, you dummy.” The guy is startled and says, “You certainly talk well for a parrot.” The parrot says, “Of course, I’m a very well-educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish.” The guy says, “Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for.” The parrot says, “There’s not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I’ll bet he’ll sell me.” The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Trump said this, the A’s won, the Giant’s lost, the pope did so and so. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says, “Come in and shut the door.” The guy says, “What’s up?” The parrot says, “I don’t know how to tell you this but the mail man came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed her right on the lips. “The guy says, “Oh, A momentary flight of passion.” The parrot says, “Then he fondled her breasts.” The guy says, “He did?” The parrot says, “Then he pulled her negligee down and started kissing a lot more of her!” The guy says, “My God, what happened next?” The parrot says, “I don’t know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson