Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the 32,000-milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, “Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?” The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend! Lifeline. The woman hoped she would not have to use it because … her friend was, well … blond. She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: “That’s easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo.” The contestant had to make a decision now and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand – the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded. I need an answer,” said Regis. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, “C: The cuckoo.” “Is that your final answer?” asked Regis. “Yes, that is my final answer.” Two minutes later, Regis said, “That answer is … absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!” Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. “Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you! ,” said the contestant. “How did you happen to know the right answer?” “Oh, come on,” said the blonde. “Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”

Silly Joke #2

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?’¬†‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.’

Silly Joke #3

A guy is dating three women and can’t decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one does he end up marrying? The one with the biggest boobs.

Bonus Silly Joke

A little old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor…..says. “Doc, I’m having problems hearing!”Doctor says “Lets check this out.” Looks into the man’s ear with his flash light and says, “There’s a foreign object in here.” Takes his tweezers and pulls it out…….Doc says to the old man, “It’s a suppository!!” The old man takes a look, asks the Doc, “Can I use your phone?? Need to tell the wife that I know where I put that hearing aid!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson