Silly Joke #1
Mrs. O’Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O’Rafferty. “Hello,” said the Father, “And how is Mrs. O’Donovan, didn’t I marry you two years ago?” “You did, Father.” “And are there any little ones yet?” “No, not yet, Father,” she said. “Well, I’m going to Rome next week, and I’ll light a candle for you then.” “Thank-you, Father.” And away she went. A few years later they met again. “Hello, Mrs. O’Donovan!” said the Father, “How are you?” “Oh, very well,” she said. “And tell me,” he said, “have you any little ones yet?” “Oh yes, Father. I’ve had three sets of twins, and four singles – ten in all.” “Now isn’t that wonderful!” he said “And how is your lovely husband?” “Oh,” she said, “He’s over in Rome to blow that bloody candle out you lit for us!!!”
Silly Joke #2
Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. “Well, I’m sure Joe would be pleased,” she said. “I’m sure you’re right,” replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. “How much did this really cost?” “All of it?” said Helen. “Thirty thousand.” “No!” Jody exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?!” Helen answered. “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone.” Jody computed quickly. “$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!” “Two and a half carats…”
Silly Joke #3 ( Five witty one liners)
I used to be addicted to soap…but I’m clean now…
“I stand corrected!” said the man in his new orthopedic shoes.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They always take things so literally.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? “Close the door, I’m dressing!!!”
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
Bonus Silly Joke
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now, he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.” “Excuse me?” the accountant said. “I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.” “I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?” “I’ll start you at eighty thousand a year.” “Eighty thousand dollars!!!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?” “That,” the owner said, “is your first worry!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson