Silly Joke #1
A girl came skipping home from school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!” “Very good,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?” “Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.” The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” She yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to Z. See? A, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z!” “Very good,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?” “Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.” The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. “Very good,” said her embarrassed mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?” “No, Honey, it’s because you’re 25.”
Silly Joke #2
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.” The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. “Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”
Silly Joke #3
“Dr. Oz said to reach inner peace we should always finish things we start, and we could all use more calm in our lives during these uncharted and turbulent COVID-19 times. So, we looked around our house to find things we’d started and hadn’t finished. First, we finished a bottle of Merlot, then a boddle of Chardonnay, then a butle of Baileys, then a buddle of wum, then the mainder of Valiuminum scriptshins and finly a bux of chalkcletz. Oz wuz soooo riiight! Yu haf no idr how fablus I fiel rite now. Tlll thss to all who kneed inner pisssssssss………….an tellum iluvem too……………………”
Bonus Silly Jokes (3 super short ones!)
The teacher asked Joanie, “If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter and another quarter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?” Joanie then replied, “A million dollars minus 75 cents.”
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!
“How the diet going?” asked the doctor to his patient. “Not good doc, I had eggs for breakfast!” said the patient. “Is that because they were fried?” asked the doctor inquisitively. “No, it’s because they were chocolate.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson