Silly Joke #1
A man was sitting in a cafeteria next to a beautiful blond woman who was very engrossed in her newspaper. One of the headlines blared: “12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed.” She shook her head at the sad news. Then, turning to me, she asked, “How many is a Brazilian?”
Silly Joke #2
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the hell the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?” “It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,” the Meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. One week later he called the National Weather Service again.”Is it really going to be a very cold winter?” he asked. “Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied,”it’s going to be a very cold winter.” The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. “Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?” “Absolutely,” the man replied. “It looks like it’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.” “How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, “Because the Indians have been collecting firewood like crazy!”.
Silly Joke #3
A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping with music and dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked,” May I please use the restroom?” The bartender replied, “I really don’t think you should.” “Why not? ” the nun asked. “Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his most private part is covered only by a fig leaf.” “Nonsense,” said the nun, “I’ll just look the other way.” So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was still hopping with music and dancing. However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?” “Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender. “Would you like a drink?” “But, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun. “You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about that drink Sister…”
Bonus Silly Jokes
Teacher: “Johnny, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?
Little Johnny: Huge hands?
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To maintain adequate social distancing
A woman goes into a butcher’s…”I’d like an oxtail please”. “Certainly”, replies the butcher, “Once upon a time there was an ox…”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson