Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Spectrum Cable: Spectrum Cable, this is Sue speaking.
Caller: Hi, I have some questions about Spectrum before I join.
Spectrum: Okay, ma’am, what’s your question?
Caller: Well, a few of my friends who have Spectrum say they get something called “cybersex”. Does this cost extra?
Spectrum: (Quiet chuckle in the background) Well ma’am… I don’t know how to explain this, but cybersex is not part of Spectrum.
Caller: Oh really? My friends said they got it on Spectrum.
Spectrum: Well it’s something members may do when they are in some type of chat room.
Caller: Hmmmm . . . I still don’t understand what cybersex is?!
Spectrum: I’m sorry ma’am, I really don’t know how to explain it.
Caller: Hmmm . . . well, have you ever had cybersex?
Spectrum: Ma’am, I don’t think that’s an appropriate question to be asking me. Is there anything else you need?
Caller: Sorry, like I said I don’t even know what it is.
Spectrum: That’s okay ma’am, anything else?
Caller: Yes, I have one more question.
Spectrum: Go ahead . . .
Caller: What are you wearing?

Silly Joke #2

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing?” The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, … “HELLLLO???” “You need to roll up the windows!!!”

Silly Joke #3

Two women were playing golf. On the third hole there was a four men in front of them but about 175 yards down the fairway. The first woman said I’ll tee off he is far enough away. She hit the drive of her life, like a shot straight down the faraway. She screamed fore at the top of her lungs and as the men turned, one was hit solidly. He was rolling on the ground in pain with his hands between his legs. She ran to him, apologizing and saying “let me help I am a physical therapist.” He protested but she got him to put his hands at his side. She unzipped his pants and began massaging him. “How does that feel?” she asked. He said, “Great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.

Bonus Silly Joke

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender’s face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.” Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem. “I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst,” the bartender said. “My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he’s as good as they get.” Six months later, the man was back. “Did you do what I suggested?” the bartender asked, serving a glass of white wine. “I certainly did,” the man said. “I’ve been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week.” He took a sip of the wine, then he threw the remainder into the bartender’s face. The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. “The doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good,” he sputtered. “On the contrary,” the man claimed, “he’s done me world of good.” “But you just threw the wine in my face again!” the bartender exclaimed. “Yes,” the man replied. “But it doesn’t embarrass me anymore.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson