Silly Joke #1
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was too hard of work for him now. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
For heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the BODIES.
Love, your son.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
A few days later, the old man received another letter from his son.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, your son.
Silly Joke #2
A nurse had to take her female patient back to her room after surgery. The woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic and was rather confused. After the nurse had made her comfortable, she went back to her station where she was suddenly confronted with several of her patient’s friends who asked, “How is she?” The nurse replied, “Oh, she’s quite dopey.” One of the friends said, “We know that, but how is she health-wise?”
Silly Joke #3
A rabbi, a priest and a minister have their houses of worship side by side, so they decide to carpool. On the first day, the other two are shocked to see the pastor lay hands on the hood and pray silently. “What are you doing?” the priest asks. The pastor looks up. “I’m just dedicating the car to the Lord’s service.” “Good idea! Be right back!” the priest exclaims, running into his church. He emerges with a bulb on a short stick, shaking water out of it onto the car. The rabbi stares. “What are you doing?” he says. “I’m consecrating it with holy water,” the priest replies. “Great idea!” the rabbi says, and runs into his synagogue’s toolshed. He emerges with a hacksaw and takes off an inch of the tailpipe.
Bonus Silly Joke
A man walked into a new psychologist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the psychologist inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.””My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you’ll have women buzzing all around you.” The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. “Did my advice not work?” asked the doctor. “It worked alright. For the past several weeks I’ve enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women.” “So, what’s the problem then?” “I don’t have a problem,” the man replied. “But, my wife does.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson