Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, “You know, Jane, these remind me of John’s balls.” Jane, impressed says, “Hmm, that big, huh?” “No”, Sue answers. “That dirty!!!”

Silly Joke #2

Dorothy is out looking for a special pet, and so she’s trying all the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, “I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll go get him.”  With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little dog. “This dog is a special dog,” he tells her. “It is able to fly,” he explains, and with that he throws the dog up into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop much to her surprise. There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say the word ‘my’, he’ll eat whatever you’ve mentioned. Watch. “My apple!” The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he produced from his pocket. “He’s cute, and so unusual. I’ll take him,” she says, and a few minutes later she’s heading to the parking lot with her new dog when she sees her ex-husband who left her for another woman and never gave her the love she deserved. “Oh hi Stan, I finally decided to get a pet who not only will love me unconditionally like you couldn’t, but he also has a true gift!” she says sarcastically. “Oh really Dorothy? What’s so special al this mutt?” he says negatively looking down at her new dog. “He can fly!” she exclaims. The husband peers more intently at the dog, and then remarks, “Fly eh?.. Ha! My ass!”

Silly Joke #3 (Especially for my partner Chris!)

Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher. “Johnny,” she said, “you shouldn’t use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?” “My daddy said it,” he responded. “Well, that doesn’t matter,” explained the teacher. “You don’t even know what it means.” “I do, too!” Little Johnny retorted. “It means someone just cut him off on the road!”

Bonus Silly Jokes (Three short, but kind of really funny corny ones!!!)

Martha is heading into the store when she runs into Mary. “Hi Martha, what are you up to?” says Mary. “Well, I need to return this sweater I bought as it was picking up too much static electricity.” responds Martha. “Are you going to buy another one?” “Well actually, I’m hoping they give me another one, free of charge.”

A man was found guilty of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.

I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary! So, I said, “Mark, my words!!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson