Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A man was in a terrible accident, and his ‘manhood’ was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for ‘small’, $6,500 for ‘medium’, and $14,000 for ‘large’. The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. ‘What’s wrong, did you and your wife discuss the procedure?’ asked the doctor. ‘Doc, we did talk about it, but she said she’d rather remodel our kitchen!’, said the man gloomily.

Silly Joke #2

A woman in her 30’s was taking her mother, who was in her 50’s, to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her 7-year old daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, “Don’t we look pretty today”, as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing. When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset and remained silent until they got back to her daughter’s home. Then the following conversation ensued:
Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, “Don’t we look pretty today”, while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?
Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn’t referring to your hairstyle or something?
Mother: Well, it still wasn’t appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?
Daughter: I don’t know. We’re you embarrassed?
Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don’t think he should have commented!
Daughter: I don’t have any FDS.
Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment…
Granddaughter: Oh Grammy, that’s my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!!!

Silly Joke #3

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she decided to teach the guy a lesson and announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, ‘Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?’ Not one hand went up..nor did the man come claim them at that point, so feeling satisfied, she took them home and ate them herself. Men just never learn!

Bonus Silly Jokes (I found three more today that were so corny, I just couldn’t resist myself!)

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?!” The sarge replied, “Well, he’s in Georgia now and they’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never be able to catch him.”

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest. Looking at them, the wife said to her husband “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game!” Husband said, “Honey, I think you should watch them. You already know how to play volleyball…”

An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted an attractive young lady. He asked a nearby trainer, “What machine could I use to really impress that pretty little lady over there?” The trainer looked him up and down and said, “I think I would try the ATM in the lobby if I were you.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“No one heals himself by wounding another.” (St. Ambrose)

Quote #2

“To understand somebody else as a human being, I think, is about as close to real forgiveness as one can get.” (David Small)

Quote #3

“It’s not just other people we need to forgive. We also need to forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn’t do. All the things we should have done.” (Mitch Albom)

Bonus Quote

“For every minute you remain judgmental, angry, pointing the finger, and unable to forgive, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” (Andrew Arthur Dawson)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Hartley Sawyer Is Worthy Of Forgiveness, As Are All Of Us…

Why do so many people want to indefinitely hold others to their past transgressions? Why can’t we all find forgiveness in our hearts and trust that people can and do sometimes change for the better? I ask these questions because of an article I just read on TVline.com recently about Hartley Sawyer who was an actor that got fired from the TV show “The Flash” back in the beginning of June for racist and misogynistic tweets dating back to the 2012 to 2014-time frame. While the article itself talked positively about how his character was going to be written out of The Flash, it was the discussion that took place below it in the comments section that was mostly filled with nothing but negativity and judgment.

Countless individuals claimed that since Hartley was guilty of these toxic behaviors six to eight years ago, he’s always going to be guilty of them and wouldn’t ever change. A number even went so far as to say that once a person hits their 20’s to 30’s, they are who they are and aren’t going to change much anymore. Overall, I felt the vast majority of all those comments were really hurtful towards Hartley and it truly got to me.

First off, everyone is fully worthy of forgiveness and redemption and yes, I do mean EVERYONE! Even the guy that molested me in my early teens was worthy of that and did receive that from me. While the things Hartley tweeted over six year ago were indeed quite distasteful and toxic, it is unfair to hold him to that for the rest of his life. That person I was in my 20’s and 30’s is so far from who I am now. Much of my own behaviors during those two decades were no better than Hartley’s, but I changed, and I spiritually grew for the better. Now, I’m so different from who I was back then.

Second, I’m always amazed at all the finger pointing that goes on in our world, where everyone quickly jumps on the bus of persecution towards another, labeling them as wrong, and verbally expressing their displeasure at another’s behaviors. But, I can promise you that every single person who does point their finger, like so many did towards Hartley Sawyer in those comments, is guilty at some point in their life of saying or doing something toxic that hurt another.

Lastly, I just want to say that over the years, I’ve worked with people suffering from addiction of all ages, including a guy that was in his late 60’s and had spent his entire life, a good 40 years and then some, being toxic, saying hurtful things, with most assuming he’d probably never change. Yet, I sat down with him week after week, attended meetings with him, and helped guide him through the 12 Steps of recovery. And you know what…he got better. He did change…even though he was in his late 60’s! Five years later, he’s now helping others, and an amazing husband to his wife, something he fell short quite a bit through much of his earlier adulthood.

So, the bottom line is that Hartley Sawyer is worthy of forgiveness, as are all of us, no matter what we’ve ever done or said. Look, if every job, friend, partner, and individual in this world based everything on our past transgressions and never gave us the chance to change or demonstrate we’ve changed, we’d all most likely never get a job again, make any new friends, ever have a partner, or connect to any new individuals, because the focus would always remain on the mistakes we’ve made and never on any good we ever try to do. In light of that, maybe we all could start practicing giving a little more forgiveness to those who’ve made mistakes, because there may come a day when we need some of that for mistakes we’ve made, mistakes we all are worthy of forgiveness of, NO MATTER WHAT!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson