Silly Joke #1
Two Viagra pills walked into a bar. They sat down next to two marijuana plants who were engrossed in an animated discussion. “I don’t get it,” one marijuana plant said to the other, “Why aren’t we legal everywhere yet? Nobody’s getting hurt by us.” One of the viagra pills scoffed at them. The marijuana plant turned to him and asked, “What’s your problem, don’t you think we should be legal?” “No”, the viagra pill replied. “We’re hard-on drugs!”
Silly Joke #2
A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: “Hon, can you get me a beer before it starts!” The wife sighed and got him a beer. Ten minutes later, he said: “Hey Hon, can you get me another beer before it starts!” She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him. He finished that beer and a few minutes later said,” Hey Hon? Can you please get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute!” The wife was furious. “Is that all you’re going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore…” The man sighed and said, “It’s started!”
Silly Joke #3
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next night the same drunk comes in again and after convincing the bartender he has money, orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money when asked to pay up. So the bartender slaps him around even more this time and then throws him out. On the third night he comes in, the drunk shows he finally has some money to pay for drinks and orders drinks for all except the bartender. “What, no drink for me?” replies the bartender sarcastically. “Oh, no. You get wayyyy too violent when you drink!”
Bonus Silly Joke (2 quick ones!)
There are three kinds of men in this world…
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
The rest get married and wonder what happened!!!
Patient: I’m suffering dreadfully from insomnia. I’ve tried all sorts of home remedies, but I can find nothing that will send me to sleep.”
Doctor: ”Why don’t you just try talking to yourself?”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson