Silly Joke #1
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. ‘Come with me’, said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool. ‘Wow, thank you’, said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. ‘Wait, I think you are a little mixed up’, said the priest. ‘Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.’ ‘Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.’
Silly Joke #2
One day our physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask “Why do we have to learn this stuff?!” “To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So, how does physics save lives?!” he persisted. “It keeps the idiots out of medical school!” replied the professor.
Silly Joke #3
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman’s death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: “Prophet, tell me when you will die!” The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, “I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later.”
Bonus Silly Joke
A mother and her 5-year old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes?” The mother couldn’t think of an easy answer decided to pass it off onto someone else and told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was extremely busy at the time, politely smiled and said, “Did your Mom tell you to ask me?” The boy said, “yes she did.” “Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time and then have your Mom explain that to you ok hon?”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
