Daily Reflection

“Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength.” (Mary Engelbreit)

I often worry about the dumbest of things. Many have said throughout my life I can really be a worrywart sometimes. Case in point, a few years ago, I had a hiccup with an annual renewal process to my healthcare, which led to the temporary termination of it for a short period of time and was very stressful to get resolved. Ever since, each year this renewal process arrives, when the paperwork shows up in the mail, my heartrate automatically goes up, as does my level of worry. This year I purposely submitted the paperwork very early hoping it would help ease my mind, but when I hadn’t heard anything from them after a week, I began to call repeatedly, checking to see if everything was ok. I even had one agent hang up on me because I was talking to her in worry-based circles. The agents did their best to reassure me they had everything they needed, yet, I still churned inside over it day after day, gripping my mailbox every time I opened it, worried I’d have another termination letter stating they didn’t have everything they needed in the revaluation of my benefits. All that worry did nothing but zap me of my daily strength! And then one day, I came home and saw the response letter had finally come. I could barely open the envelope because my hands were shaking so much. Everything had gotten approved, my worst fears had never actualized, and I realized how much serenity I had lost during the entire process of waiting.

Have you ever spun out of control in worry like this, about something that really should never have been made into such a big thing? It’s almost embarrassing to admit such a character defect of mine still exists, because ultimately, I know what the solution is to fix it. No, it’s not alcohol or drugs or medications or anything that can numb that worry, as I’ve tried all of those and them some to handle this worrying part of me and it only has ever made me into a person who just doesn’t care about anything, which is the exact opposite of being a total worrier. Rather, the answer has been to turn it over, something the third step in my recovery world from addiction reminds me of every day. Step Three in 12 Step recovery reads, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.” I’ve often failed quite miserably with this, notably when a worry arises about something, especially when I want it to go a certain way. But what good has it ever done for me to live in this worry and hold onto it every day? Zero! Because It’s like carrying a backpack behind me filled with heavy boulders, weighing me down so very much. I know the remedy though, I just need to practice it more. It means each time a worry arises over something, that I consciously say “I turn this over to you God and trust You’ve got this, even if it results in a different outcome than what my ego wants.” Saying that has such power because it creates strength rather than zaps me of it by essentially giving that backpack of boulders to God to carry, rather than me. And you know what, 90 percent of my worries, maybe even 95 percent if I’m being totally honest with myself, have never come to fruition. Maybe it’s time to really put the 3rd step into practice and trust that God really does got my back with all my worries and can and will handle them far better than I ever have…

Dear God, I turn over “place your worry here” to You. I trust You that it will be far better handled in Your hands than my own and I know that You truly do got this under control, no matter how it gets resolved.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson