Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny watched his mom rock her new baby son Joey in her arms for hours while Joey continued to scream on and off.
“Mommy, where did Joey come from?”
“Why, he came from heaven dear!” she responded lovingly.
“Well, I can see now why they threw him out!!!”

Silly Joke #2

Melanie, a 35-year old blond was asked by her young daughter to help her write a report for school about World War II, specifically D-Day and the invasion of Normandy. “Isn’t there a movie about that Mom that could help me write my report?” her daughter asked. Melanie knew there was, having seen it long ago, but couldn’t think of the name offhand.
Then suddenly after a long moment of silence she suddenly blurted out, “Oh, I remember now dear! It’s Finding Private Nemo!’”

Silly Joke #3

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you…” “I know, I know.” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.” “No, that’s not it at all.” Brenda confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

Bonus Silly Joke (Two bonuses today because I couldn’t decide!!!)

What do you call a person that speaks 3 languages?
What do you call a person that speaks 2 languages?
What do you call a person that speaks 1 language?

A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county. “I’ve had a pretty good life,” the twenty proclaimed. “Why I’ve been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean.””Wow!” said the one dollar bill. “You’ve really had an exciting life!” “So tell me,” says the twenty, “where have you been throughout your lifetime?” The one dollar bill replies, “Oh, I’ve been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church …”  The twenty dollar bill interrupts, “What’s a church?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson