One Very Strong Reason Why Many Relationships Tend To Fail Is…

One very strong reason why many relationships tend to fail is when one or both partners stop showing how much each other matters and instead take it for granted.

I think it’s very easy to fall into this state in a relationship where one stops doing all those special things that came so naturally during those first years together. Why people fall into this state could be for any number of reasons, countless really. In my case though, it was always pure selfishness and laziness in each of my past relationships, where I just assumed they knew they mattered to me just because I was still there with them. I see so clearly now how incredibly self-centered I was for thinking that then.

Thankfully today I know it’s in the little things that make the biggest difference in showing my partner matters. When my partner asks for a favor now, I don’t say “in a minute” and continue watching some tv show or playing a video game. Because I know if I was in the same situation, it’s what I’d want back. But how many times though in my past relationships did I yell from another room, saying “I’ll be there in a minute”, where more than a minute went by, usually plenty of minutes really, where sometimes I even forgot altogether to do the favor at all. None of which shows the partner they matter.

Even beyond the whole favor thing, showing my partner they matter also means leaving special love notes at times in weird places for him to find, doing my partner’s chores so he doesn’t have to and instead can rest, remembering things he said in conversation and repeating it back to him later to show him I was listening, giving him unique gifts from things he always wanted but probably would never get for himself, complimenting him regularly on how attractive he looks, listening to him share without judgment, offering him tokens of non-sexual affection like a head or neck massage, going to places he likes to dine at that I may not even like myself, and more. Unfortunately, my partner struggles greatly with all this, which has led to me feeling like I don’t matter to him on far too many days. Truthfully, it’s become our most discussed topic these days and something that has even challenged my sobriety from former addictions at times.

While being single and alone can be very difficult and create feelings of aloneness and not mattering, it’s just as difficult when you’re in a committed relationship and feel the exact same way . It’s been extremely challenging to live with a partner where I often feel more of a burden to him than mattering. The hard part is that I know my partner loves me, as I can feel it energetically at times, but as he continues to face his own inner demons and struggle to let them fully go, his ego often gets the best of him, where “in a minute” becomes more the norm than being there for me when I really need a helping hand or a loving embrace.

The bottom line is that many relationships tend to fail when one or both partners start taking each other for granted and stop doing those special, unique, and little things on a regular basis that show each other matters. As it’s in those little things partners do for each other that really make the biggest difference and always provide the greatest reminders of why the two are together in the first place, even after many years of being together.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.” (Jesse Jackson)

Quote #2

“Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real.” (Thomas Merton)

Quote #3

“Humility is throwing oneself away in complete concentration on something or someone else.” (Madeleine L’Engle)

Bonus Quote

“Pride must die in you, or nothing of heaven can live in you.” (Andrew Murray)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Grateful Heart Monday

Thanks for joining with one more Grateful Heart Monday, where expression of gratitude remains my ongoing sole focus of my writing, which for today is somewhat of a follow-up to a prior article a number of months back, one where I truly thought a friendship with a couple I care about was over, and can say now that thankfully it isn’t.

I think all relationships go through a number of ebbs and flows, but to see them successfully navigate through them all , it means all parties involved must be willing to work on themselves. I’ve had many friendships that have failed because either myself or the other person, became caught up in ego and self-pride, holding onto righteous beliefs and feelings of “I don’t have to change” or “It’s all their fault and not mine.”

I don’t care whether a person is 11, 31, 51, or 91, all people are capable of change no matter what their age, me included, and as soon as I close my mind to that, and hold on to what I think is the only right answer to things, it puts me at odds with those who care about me, which is precisely what happened with my friends Bill and Tom when we all came down with Covid back in January.

The finite details of what happened back then don’t matter now, because it was those finite details that led to all of our ego’s going into opposite corners, rather than coming together with forgiveness, love, and the like. Regardless, for the past six months, I really missed the dinners and game nights we used to have regularly with them, so I finally broke the silence by reaching out to Bill to make my amends for my part in what happened, who in turn did the same with me. I took a second step in sitting down with Tom and listening to where my actions had negatively affected him, and I owned them, even learning in the process how I could be a better friend to him. It’s something I am truly grateful for about my personality, that I’m always willing to spiritually grow, where change is something I accept with grace, rather than fight it with ego.

Thankfully, my actions led to a huge blessing, with Bill and Tom becoming open to breaking bread with my partner Chris and I again, which we finally did just over a week ago now. After an evening of dinner at Carraba’s and coffee at Starbucks, I can thankfully say we all found the desire to move on from our ego’s and frustrations, to forgive, and move forward with connection again.

I am so very grateful that God pushed me forward to own my part in all this, to move beyond my ego and any selfish viewpoint I had on the whole matter, as it ultimately helped to begin the process of reconnection with two friends I do love dearly.

And as I end today’s Grateful Heart Monday, I am thankful for all the friends who remain a part of my life today, because the addict I once was had no friends whatsoever, except my sister Laura and my friend Cedric who never gave up on me. Both believed in me and showed me how to become humble, humble enough to ask God for help, humble enough to say I’m sorry, and humble enough to forgive. It’s those traits that truly keep my friendships going, with loving people who care about me, people just like Bill and Tom.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson