Silly Joke #1
Charlie’s wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything like this before!” The Doctor replied, “Actually, I’ve seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed.”
Silly Joke #2
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started yelling in excitement repeatedly, “Boeing! Boeing!! Boeing!!!” The passengers are getting disturbed and even the Pilot in the cock-pit hears the commotion. Annoyed by the goings on, the frustrated Pilot comes out and heads to her seat and says rather loudly, “Please Ma’am, be silent!” There was now pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the frustrated Pilot. She stares at the pilot in silence for a moment, then concentrates really hard, and all of a sudden starts shouting, “Oeing! Oeing! Oeing!”
Silly Joke #3
NASA had been interviewing professionals to select one candidate to go on a mission to Mars, except they wouldn’t ever be returning to Earth, as it was a one way trip. They were down to the last three candidates in a room together and were planning on choosing one of them. The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much they wanted to be paid for going. “One million dollars,” the engineer answered. “And I would donate it all to my alma mater — Harvard University.” The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked them the same question. “Two millions dollars,” the doctor said. “I want to give one million to my charity and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he said, “Three million dollars.” “Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, “You give me three million, I’ll give you one million, I’ll keep a million, and we’ll send the engineer.”
Bonus Silly Joke (For Adults)
Three couples went in to see the minister of a very conservative church about becoming new members. The minister said that they would all have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. “A can of PAINT!!!” exclaimed the minister. “Yeah,” said the newlywed man. “She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then, well, lust took over.” The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome at his church. “That’s okay,” said the newlywed man. “We’re not welcome in Home Depot anymore either…”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
