Silly Joke #1
A man complains to a friend, “I can’t take it anymore.”
“What’s wrong?” his concerned friend asks.
“It’s my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!”
“You mean hysterical,” his friend said, chuckling.
“No, I mean HISTORICAL,” the man insists. “Every argument we have, she’ll go ‘I still remember that time when you…'”
Silly Joke #2
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?” “Yes, I know,” said the lady, “But, I need both hands to hold onto this hat.” “But, madam, you must know that your privates are being exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. But, I just bought this hat yesterday!”
Silly Joke #3
My wife and I went to the County Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR. My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ….. smiled and said, “He mated 50 times last year, that’s almost once a week”. We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR. My wife gave me another healthy jab and said, “WOW~~That’s more than twice a week! ………. You could learn a lot from him”. We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR. My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,”That’s once a day .. You could REALLY learn something from this one”. I looked at her and said sarcastically, “Oh, yeah? Well, why don’t you go over and ask him if it was with the same cow?”
Bonus Silly Joke
Ron, an elderly man had owned a large farm in the country for several years. He had a large pond at the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he excitedly saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. One of the women suddenly noticed he was staring at them from behind a tree and shouted, “You old pervert! We’re not coming out until you leave!” Ron frowned, “I’m not a pervert nor am I here to see a bunch of naked ladies in my pond!” Holding his bucket up, Ron said, “I’m here to feed the alligator!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson