Welcome to another entry in gratitude on this Grateful Heart Monday! Today’s piece is dedicated to the wonderful reminders I’ve had over the past year of why I don’t drink or take drugs anymore in life.
Every year when my annual sober milestone date passes by, I write an article in gratitude surrounding the occasion. Yet, after a recent episode where I spent a short period of time with several overly drunk individuals, I really found myself being overly grateful why I continue to remain clean and sober from alcohol and drugs for as long as I have. I decided I was so grateful about it that I wanted to write another piece of gratitude on it.
All of this emanated from stopping by a friend’s house recently who was entertaining a few guests. There I witnessed behaviors I once did myself long ago during my addiction days. One individual at this house approached me and asked me in a drunken stupor if I smoked weed. After that, he walked around the house flirting with everyone and doing his best to be the center of attention. I watched another leave for a bit and go drive under the influence, then return as if there were no concern for doing such a thing. Seeing both of these behaviors brought back into mind another recent episode where I was confronted by a drunk/high individual who was so out of his mind, he threatened to hurt me just for saying hi to him. Not too long before that I was also the recipient of one of those “I love you so much!” drunken statements. And of course, I shouldn’t forget to mention the act of violence I saw from someone under the influence when they threw a candle at another’s vehicle because of how angry they were. But honestly, I can’t judge any of those actions because I once did all of them and worse.
When a newer friend in my life who really doesn’t know my past addiction behaviors repeatedly started offering me alcohol over subsequent visits, I finally got honest on my last visit and laid it out to him as raw as I could. I told him that if I drank again, that the drink he was offering would lead me to cheat on my partner, lose my sobriety, feel shame about it, so much so that I’d probably attempt to take my life, I then asked if that was worth it to him to keep offering me a drink. He finally understood got the point.
The fact is, I don’t ever want to drink any alcohol or consume any drugs in this body again. I’m a sick addict who’s truly in a good recovering place in life these days and I’m extremely grateful for that. I’m even more grateful for these reminders I continue to get in this Toledo neck of the woods that help me quickly flash back to the alcoholic and addict life I once lived.
I don’t miss those days where I consistently walked around in drunken stupors, saying stupid things, acting stupid in general, and always landing myself in some sort of trouble. I’m truly grateful to be free of a disease that I know would have taken my life eventually if I had remained on that path.
So, I’m thankful for all the drunken and high individuals that continue to cross my path, who always remind me each time they do, why I gave the consumption of alcohol and drugs up long ago. I dedicate today’s Grateful Heart for each of them, as they truly do help me remain on my clean and sober path, one I pray to never step off of ever again…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson