Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.
“What’ll it be?” asks the bartender.
“I’ll have a………………………beer,” the bear says.
“Alright, one beer for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?” asks the bartender.
“I don’t know…” says the bear. “Maybe cuz I was born with them!”

Silly Joke #2

The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 months to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up. The doctor suggested that he should get his “house in order”, make sure his will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest. “What will you do for the last six months?” asked the doctor. His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, “Honestly, I think I’ll have my wife and I just go and live at her annoying mother’s place!” Surprised by the answer and wanting to know why, the doctor asked, “Of all the people, why in the would you want to live with an annoying mother-in-law for your last six months of life???” “Because it’ll feel like the longest six months of my life Doc!!!”

Silly Joke #3

A man was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the life imprisonment. His brother found out that an Irish man was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the Irish man that he would be paid $100,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter. The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter. After the trial, the brother went to the Irish man’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $100,000. The Irish man replied, “It wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him off!!!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.” Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, “How did you do over the weekend?” “Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.” “17 people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?” “I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this… O o …and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs.” “That’s admirable,” said the judge.  “And you, how did you do?”, he asked the second boy, “Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.” “156 people! That’s incredible! How did you manage to do that?!?”, “Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) o O Except, I said (pointing to the small circle) “this is your a$$hole before prison and this one (pointing to the big circle) is your a$$hole after prison…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson