I had just got done with a workout in the gym the other day, had showered already, and was feeling pretty good. As I got dressed, I overheard a father in his late 30’s in the next row of lockers talking to his son who I’d guess was 12 or so. “I love these type of lockers…” said the father. “Why Dad?” asked his son. “Because it reminds me of those good old days when I was in high school and used to push kids up against them…” It was obvious as I listened to their conversation that this father was once a bully and prided himself in that, letting his son know in the process that what he did was cool and ok back then. And you know what…it’s not.
After this father’s conversation with his son ended, I came very close to walking over to their row of lockers to say, “You know…I was one of those kids who once got pushed up against lockers like this for my entire childhood, and it wasn’t cool then and still isn’t now!” I didn’t do that, because I didn’t want to create a scene, or embarrass the father in front of his son, but it made me sad for this kid who heard the message in that moment that his father’s bullying was ok.
The following are some recent bullying statistics.
One out of every five students between 12 and 18 years old (about 20%) have reported being bullied. Of those who reported it, 13% were made fun of, called names, or insulted. 13% were the subject of rumors. 5% were pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on. And 5% were excluded from activities on purpose. What’s even more alarming than these statistics were the ones for tweens (9 to 12 years old). In that age group, almost 50 percent have said they experienced bullying at school or online. Overall, the reasons reported for all bullying were related to physical appearance, race/ethnicity, gender, disability, religion, or sexual orientation. In my case, it was always due to physical appearance, given I was a goofy, lanky-looking type of guy in my younger years who didn’t wear any type of fashionable trends whatsoever.
Nevertheless, the main effects of bullying consist of depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, constant fear at school, lowered academic achievement, and dropping out of school. Bullied students often struggled with self-esteem and develop a negative effect on how they feel about themselves, something I personally battled with greatly for years and sometimes still do to this day. For me, the most alarming concern I’ve ever had for those who are being is connected to their suicide risk, as suicidal ideations and attempts are often great amongst those who have been bullied immensely.
At the core of this toxic behavior are parents like this locker room father, who never learned the pain their actions once caused others. I am quite sure that there are probably adults out there who still have bad memories of this father when he was a kid. It’s what makes me frequently wish that those who once bullied would experience what it feels like to be on the other side of it.
Being bullied is why I don’t have any real fond memories of high school and don’t have any desire to go back to reunions. Most of my memories of my grammar school years are being picked on, pushed down, books knocked out of my hands, ears flicked, spitballs thrown my way, all while constantly being called a dork, geek, or loser. It took me a long time to overcome the majority of the effects of being bullied. Regrettably to get there I became a bully myself when addictions were in control of me. But thankfully, God eventually showed me the effects of what my bullying was doing to those I did it to, and the pain it caused them. It’s precisely what led me to stop the behavior once and for all and also to forgive those who did it to me.
What I’ve learned about bullying through much therapy is that the only reason why anyone does it is due to being deeply insecure about some part of themselves. Maybe it’s because the person they are bullying is someone who has something they want. Maybe it’s because they are attracted to them. Maybe it’s because they just want the focus taken off of them. Or maybe it’s because their parents are bullying them, and they feel the need to take that out on someone else.
Regardless of whatever the reason, bullying is toxic and continues to be a cancer upon this world. It stops when parents start teaching their kids that it’s wrong, instead of glorifying it, like in a locker room at my local gym, where a child learned the other day from his father that bullying was cool, when it isn’t, and never will be…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
