I was talking to my Massachusetts friend Caryn recently and asked her how she handles everything going on in her life, including her long gestating health issues and dealing with all the madness of the world around her these days, and her answer was one I didn’t expect. She responded with three words, “I don’t know.” When I asked for further clarification, she said she just stopped trying to figure everything out and has taken a step back, letting everything happen however it does without trying to make sense of any of it. After our call ended, I found myself thinking that maybe I need to start living more in the “I don’t know” as well.
Living in the “I don’t know” is quite possibly the only way I can continue functioning with how out of control my life tends to feel these days, a world I’ve often tried to find definite answers to what generally seems to remain indefinite with no answers provided, something that’s become so extremely frustrating and futile feeling.
There are so many things I’ve prayed about, strived for, sought after, placed energy towards, envisioned, channeled, and the like, all to no avail. It’s like the Universe has put up a major roadblock to providing me any further answers to life in general. And the more I’ve tried to figure any of it out, to place structure to what feels so dam unstructured in my entire life, has left me feeling much, much worse. So I began using my friend’s three words to answer the many questions I have found myself losing my mind over lately trying to find answers for…
Am I ever meant to get healthy? I don’t know.
Am I ever meant to work again? I don’t know.
Is this relationship right for me anymore? I don’t know.
Is my Higher Power even around? I don’t know.
Is God even real? I don’t know.
Why does everyone seem so angry now? I don’t know.
Why can’t I cultivate any close friendships any longer? I don’t know.
Am I even on the path I’m meant to be on? I don’t know.
I’m sure this list could be ad infinitum honestly, yet somehow it feels far more reassuring to provide this answer to them, even if the answer really isn’t an answer, as what it does offer is a path to letting go of trying to figure any of it out anymore.
So, I’m working now on no longer trying to quantify the unquantifiable by answering all of those questions constantly clanging around inside my brain by simply responding to them with my friend Caryn’s three words of “I don’t know”. Maybe in doing so, I’ll experience a greater sense of peace than I presently have. Peace that usually comes far more by letting go of control and letting things happen in the Universe’s own unique ways and timing, and far less when I constantly try to figure it all out myself…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
