Silly Joke #1
Dad: “I taught my kids a lot about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and what pizza to order.”
Dad’s best friend: “That must have been a really great learning time for them I’m guessing?”
Dad: “Totally! Especially when I picked the movie and pizza and told them it was because I’m the one with the money.”
Silly Joke #2
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn’t really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I think I’ve farted at least a few times since I’ve been here in your office. You wouldn’t know I was farting because they really don’t smell and are totally silent.” The doctor says, “I see. Here’s a prescription. Make sure to take this 3 times a day for seven days and come back and see me next week.” The next week the lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts … although still silent… stink terribly.” The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s start working on your hearing.”
Silly Joke #3
An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary. To try to fix that, he opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with both dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on those precise dates along with an appropriate note signed, “Your loving husband.” His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, “Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”
Bonus Silly Joke
Two parents took their 5-year-old son Little Johnny, who always says the most inappropriate of things, on a summer vacation and went to the beach nearby one day, only realizing once they got there it was actually a nude beach. They decided to stay as they felt it would be a great learning lesson for Little Johnny. The father went for a walk on the beach while Little Johnny dashed into the water and began playing in the waves. Not too long after he came running back to his mom and says…”Mommy, Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!!!” The mom replied, “Well son, the bigger they are, the dumber they are!” Little Johnny shrugged his shoulders and then ran back into the water to play in the waves again. Several minutes later he was back and says, “Mommy, Mommy, I just saw men with huge dingy’s so much bigger than daddy’s!” The mom replied, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are dear!” Little Johnny shrugged his shoulders again and quickly left to go play in the waves once more. A few minutes later he was back yet again and says, “Mommy, Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I’ve ever seen and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got too!!!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
