Have you ever had a friend who seems to make fun of you all the time or much of the time you spend together, regardless of whether it’s just you and them, or the both of you with others present? If so, have you ever confronted them and asked why they pick on you so much? If you have asked that very question, was their answer ever something along the lines of, “I only pick on you because I like you?”
Let me be very clear in saying this.
Being picked on, no matter what the reason, is nothing more than a form of bullying, especially when the person getting picked on isn’t laughing.
I can attest to a lifetime of being picked on that often felt like nothing more than just being bullied. People have told me time and time and time again they only pick on me because they like me and yet when they’re doing it, getting a good laugh off of my expense and I’m not laughing, why do they keep doing it?
Maybe it has to do with this quote I read the other day from a man named Benjamin Walker who once said, “I always felt that if someone picks on you it’s because they’re not happy doing what they’re doing…” and I tend to agree. It actually makes a tremendous amount of sense that the only reason why anyone picks on another is because they aren’t happy with some part of themselves and so they deflect from that and instead pick on another, tearing an individual down, rather than building them up, temporarily feeling better about themselves in the process. People like this also tend to deflect even further from looking at themselves and the parts they aren’t happy with when they’re answer to a friend asking them to stop picking on them is, “You need to develop a thicker skin…”
I don’t need friends who act like this. What I need are friends who lift me up, who point out my assets, rather than make fun of my flaws or imperfections. I once had a friend who used to constantly point out that I had a bald spot growing on the back on my head and would laugh incessantly each time they mentioned it to me. It was never funny to me and even when I told them to stop saying things like that, they kept doing it. Not once did I ever make fun of their biggest struggle though, which was their weight. Rather, I accepted that part of them unconditionally.
People who continue to make fun of some part of you that you might be struggling with, even when they see you aren’t laughing about it, are nothing more than an insecure bully who isn’t happy with some part of themselves, even if they say they are happy with every part of themselves. How can you tell? Because they typically can’t take getting picked on themselves and get angry about it when they do. A more important lesson here though that I’ve come to learn is that someone who truly loves and accepts themselves unconditionally usually does the same with others and doesn’t enjoy having fun at their expense. But if they don’t love and accept themselves unconditionally, they often will pick on or pick apart those closest to them and find enjoyment in having fun at their friend’s expense. While I do have a few close friends that can pick on me at times, as I can with them as well, it’s only because it’s with aspects of ourselves that we’ve come to love and accept unconditionally and even share in common. Generally, we both laugh about those things profusely, rather than only one laughing at the other’s expense.
I’m thankful for those friends, friends who know me well enough to know when it’s ok to pick on some part of me and when it’s not. But friends who say, “I only pick on you because I like you…” and respond with, “You need to develop a thicker skin…” when I ask them to stop, aren’t friends I need or want in life. They are nothing more to me than a bully picking on another they deem as weaker than them, all to deflect from actually looking at the parts of themselves they aren’t ready to face or see, parts they still struggle unconditionally loving and accepting, instead lashing out at another’s expense…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
You totally hit the nail on the head. I have a friend that does that to me whenever we’re with others. He puts me down by saying things about “my big nose” or my “bald head “. I’m sure he does it because he’s insecure but it still hurts me so personally. I can honestly say that I’ve never, nor will I ever, do that to a friend.
Ralph, thank you for sharing your truth today! And I’m glad you found connection to my article. Grateful to see your thoughts on this! 🙏