“The path of your life can change in an instant.” (Ann Brashares)
Sometimes it seems like you can be walking down a path in life you think you know so well when suddenly, something diverts you completely off of it and onto another, where you then see far more clearly a number of things about your life you just weren’t able to see before. This happened to me quite recently, one that has changed me so much, that it’s showed me how close I have been to slipping back into addiction.
When the Universe, or God if you may, recently threw a wrench like this in my life, it came in the form of a fraternity brother needing help. I didn’t think twice about helping them when they asked, as it’s just who I am these days. What I didn’t know was that in helping them that my heart would open up more than it has in years, maybe even in this lifetime, enough to see that I have been slowly straying away from my calling and ultimately my sobriety in sex and love addiction (SLAA).
I always tell people in my motivational speaking on addiction and recovery that the disease of addiction is always doing push-ups around the corner waiting for us to breathe life into it. I firmly believe that I was heading in that direction until I met this individual, who in the process of helping, helped me to reflect more deeply in my heart and soul where I saw that all my sexual innuendos, flirting, and trash talk I’ve been doing lately to deal with my loneliness has only hurt my spiritual walk with God.
Those behaviors are referred to in SLAA as middle line ones, ones that don’t break your sobriety, but indeed are still a very slippery slope that ultimately can lead in the end to an eventual relapse. Connecting with this brother as deep as I have on the spiritual levels we’ve gone thus far have opened my eyes to see just how unhealthy I’ve been becoming in my loneliness.
Loneliness has been a frequent companion of my life for a very, very, long time and something I often have used middle line behaviors to cope with. And while they do tend to help for a time, the more I fall onto them as a crutch, the more I seem to stray from God and the spiritual path I’m meant to be on.
As I continue on this newly guided path, one that has been opening my eyes more and more every day, I find myself becoming far more aware of what I don’t want to do anymore in my life and what I do want to do, which makes me quite thankful for how a brother reaching out for help has led to a change in perspective with just about everything…
Dear God, I give thanks for those rare moments in my life where my path suddenly shifts from one to another, where things like saying yes to helping another ends up helping me realign to exactly who I’m meant to be for You.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
