Silly Joke #1
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. “Here is the situation,” she said. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?” Little Johnny, who always says the most inappropriate things in class raises his hand and says, “To withdraw all his money from his savings account?”
Silly Joke #2
A golfer was having a tough day and in his frustration he blurted out, “I would give anything for a birdie on this hole.” A nearby stranger walked out of the woods beside the hole and whispered, “If you give up one quarter of your sex life, I guarantee you will make this shot. “The golfer said “OK.” He made the shot for birdie. A few holes later, he was having trouble on another hole. “Please, let me make this for eagle” he said. Again, the stranger stepped up to him and said, “If you give up another quarter of your sex life, you will make eagle.” “You’re on,” the golfer said, and made the shot for eagle. On the eighteenth hole, the golfer needed an eagle to win. The stranger again stepped up and said “If you give up the last half of your sex life, you will make eagle to win.” “OK,” the golfer said, and made his shot for eagle, winning the round. As he was walking back to the clubhouse, the stranger walked up beside him and said, “I think I should inform you that I am the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex drive or sex life. “The golfer turned to him, smiled, and said, “Nice to meet you, my name is Father O’Malley! And thank you so much!!!”
Silly Joke #3
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish country side with only a pet dog for company. One day, the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and said, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?” Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there is a new denomination down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.” Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service there?” Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya’ tell me the dog was Catholic? I think we actually have an opening this Sunday during the service!”
Bonus Silly Joke
Jesus and Moses were teeing off on a 149 yd par 3, with water hazard. Jesus pulled out his wedge and hit his first ball into the water. “I don’t understand”, he said, “I saw Arnold Palmer hit a wedge to the green on this same hole yesterday!” Again he dropped a ball on the ground and repeated the shot with the same results…. Moses said,”Get a longer iron or you’ll never make it across” Jesus dropped another ball to the ground and repeated the swing dropping the third ball in the water short of the green. “That was my last ball!” Jesus remarked as he walked across the water fishing for his lost balls. A foursome approached the green and one man replied, “Who does that man think he is, Jesus Christ?” Moses replied, “No, he thinks he’s Arnold Palmer”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
