Silly Joke #1
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. As she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, and immediately pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right, Honey, I’ve had a course in first aid!” The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “When you get to the part from your first-aid course that’s about calling a doctor, just know I’m already here ok?”
Silly Joke #2
A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. “No,” the doctor said. “I did not check his pulse.” “And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer. “No I did not,” the doctor said. “So,” said the lawyer, “when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.” The doctor said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk by that point, but for all I know, I guess he could be out practicing law somewhere.”
Silly Joke #3
Little Johnny, who always says the most inappropriate of things watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that to your face, mommy?” he asked. “Oh, this, it’s to make myself beautiful dear,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. “What’s the matter then Mommy?” asked Little Johnny as he watched her remove it. “Are you giving up?”
Bonus Silly Joke
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?’ ‘Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. ‘I just wanted you to know they’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
#2!!